My right now....

Let me paint you a little picture of my life.

Last week i stood on the great wall of CHINA. My life is amazing!

tomorrow I will have to regurgitate 75 chinese characters. Bring it on.

Right now, I want the whole dang anthropologie catalog for Christmas. Oh please Santa, Please!

I'm listening to "Marry you" by the glee cast. Go figure. I also can't wait to go see their new movie when I get back, and bust my lungs out. Cause lets be honest, you don't watch glee for the inventive plot line.

The help is probably the best book i've read in a LONG time. Southern hospitality and old south civil rights drama? YES please.

I know that alot of people miss me. I come home in one month. Dog days are over soon!

SLEEP. SLEEP. SLEEP. Thats what my brain is telling me right now. doooog tired. I had class all day and had to run the musical practice for the Chinese singing competition that i'm in. China meets Glee......that could get scary.

I'm going to be better at updating my blog. I'm going to be better at updating my blog. I'm going to be better a........shiz who am i kidding. ;P

Secrets....

Mr. Wong

I have class every day from 8-12. First block is Mr. Wong. We call him Wong Teacher. He wears the same kakhi pants to work every day along with some black sandals that show his toes. He always walks into class with a clear thermos in his hands. Not that I ever see him walk into class....due to i'm a slacker and always show up to class about 5 min late. -__- Today's excuse was my bike got a flat tire.

Inside this thermos contains yellow liquid with an array of long plants floating up from the bottom. I swear that man is drinking the ocean in a glass, with the sea weed stretching up, swaying in the murky water. Sea in a glass.....maybe we should market that mess in America! And maybe I should remember to refrain from telling him that his drink looks like the ocean that my little brother used to pee in when we went to South Padre every year. Noted.

Mr Wong is about as old school chinese professor as they get. Every day he picks up the chalk. Writes about a million chinese words on the board.

His chalk breaks in half.

He keeps using it.

It breaks again.

Small pieces of the chalk cling to the board and slowly slide down down DOWN, refusing defeat in the eyes sudden death like so many other pieces of chalk that have not been as lucky. I'm looking at the board. he's looking at me peering through square spectacles that make his eyes look at least three times larger than they really are. "do you understand? Do you understand Fuh Zi Min?(thats my name)" I nod my head as my eyes trace the chalk inching its way down the board. He turns back to the black board and writes another word that I can't read because lets be honest, I just can't pay attention for that long.

Chalk breaks again.

.....Every day for two hours.

He can be very hilarious too.....like the day he started teaching us naughty words. Or when the boys get him to go on an hour long tangent about soccer during class, and he doesn't even realize that he has rambled for an hour. Or when he is trying to use the new vocabulary in an example:

Grammar Principle: Not up to standard. Example: I don't know why Emily's chinese is not up to standard. She's been studying for a whole year. bleh

Here's what happens to my mind....

"I freaking miss AMERICA! all i want is PIZZA people. Can't you get over the cost and realize I need this for my SOUL"

"I hope that zit on my face hasn't gotten bigger....."

"I wonder what the conversion from Kilos to pounds is....the dr. said I am 55 Kilos? What if pounds are like THREE TIMES AS MUCH!? OH NO!"

"Blah blah blah....what are we talking about again? FOCUS Emily FOCUS"

" Man, I need some better dance moves. I never did learn how to dougie. Maybe I should do that after school?

"I should have gotten more sleep last night....why do i ALWAYS do this to myself! But at least sleep was sacrificed all in the name of the A I just got on that Quiz!"

"Wonder what I should eat for lunch after this.....I really want Pizza. I can't have pizza. Ok noodles. More noodles."

"Is this class almost over? OH only 23 min left!"

And that is why I need sweet liberation from distraction. Because everyone in my class is better at Chinese than me. Probably because they aren't thinking about pizza all the time.....or are they?

Hello, I am Human. What's your name?

I miss my blog.

We humans are interesting creatures i've decided. FOR EXAMPLE: I love this blog. I miss it dearly, yet every time I view my own blog to see who has updated theirs, I can't quite look it straight in the face. my eyes skim over the top of it as if i'm looking at it, but not clearly. This abates my guilt until the next time, which leads my guilt to only grow further.

I have. so. much. to say. And by so much to say, I mean so much I have NO IDEA how to say. So I say nothing. I am a human and I am nuts. Therefore these silent months are the victim of several paragraphs that have been re-cut and unpasted countless times because I can't decide what to tell you about my life. I can't decide what you want to hear about. Should I take my stories of chinese children pooping in th

e streets and eloquently recount them for you here? Or Is there value in my daily rambling? Not decided....stay tuned.

I hate waiting. I hate waiting at the airport for the plane to come. I hate waiting for my dumplings to be boiled when I'm hungry. I hate waiting on boys. Waiting for them to come around. Waiting for them to call. Waiting for them to realize the best thing they never had. I think you hate waiting too.

Hi welcome to Mcdonalds! What would you like? Oh that will be ready in about 2 weeks....you can wait right??? Whi

ch leads me to my point. We are living in a delayed gratification culture in an instant gratification world.

There is always one boy...I see him and I get stuck. and I think

YOU ARE MY PLAN OF ACTION.......until I am blown off.

Then I find a new plan of action. Or at least try to pretend like I found a new plan of action.

did it work.....?

We try to cover up our feelings. We don't say what we mean. What kind of ridiculous species extends delayed gratification when

what we all want here is INSTANT GRATIFICATION. "Hurry back home to me from China woman.....i'm itchin' to watch some modern family!" Which really means, I miss you and really want to see you, and don't really care if we watch anything as planned. But i'm not going to say that because it doesn't sound cool or funny.

Boy likes girl, but boy doesn't want girl to know. So he thinks, I better not talk to her too much. I'd better not let her know. Maybe only a little bit, so she'll be really confused as to why I don't look her in the eyes some days,

but sit really close to her during movies when she's cold.

**?????***

Maybe I don't want to be human. Maybe I should turn into a spirit animal like a panda or something. YEAH, a Panda! I'm cute and cuddly. And i've gained about 10lb from all the delicious noodlesand fried rice i've been enjoying. I'm starting to look a little like i'm preparing for hybernation. And no I don't regret that. Booyah.

glimpses of China

These are some photos from the most beautiful places in China! While China def has its ups and downs, the people here are some of the sweetest you will ever get to meet! This woman in the picture above: she comes from a village of long haired women that wash their hair with rice, no joke. Its so long she wraps it around her head like a turban. The mountains of Guilin were also especially gorgeous. I'm so lucky to live in such a beautiful place!

USA

Hello from Sunny Nanjing China! I hope you know that I miss you America. If you ever want to appreciate the USA, just move away for awhile :)

Sometimes I wonder what the hell am I doing in China. Actually I wonder that every single day lately.

A long time ago I went on a study abroad to London. It was one of the best times of my life. I never thought about anything else, much less home. I soaked it all in, and I had THE time of my life seeing all the art museums, the musicals, and of course Mozarts grave and shakespeares Globe.

This study abroad is a little bit different. I served my mission in Hong Kong, and I remember getting home sick. But I loved my life. And I loved the people. I mostly just remember sinking into it the best that I could, and grabbing on to every chance I could get to speak the language and talk about the church. The purpose of it pushed me forward. but now....I feel a little lost.

I am a student of Mandarin in China. And China is just so much different than I ever thought. Its dirty. Its crowded. lots of people try to steal from you on a daily basis. In fact my teacher just came back from running, and her phone was stolen from underneath a tree where she hid it. Everyone stares SHAMELESSLY. When people look at us, I can literally SEE the dollar signs in their eyes. it makes me sad sometimes, and I probably get asked at least 5 times a day to take pictures with people. Now i know how celebrities feel lol...ok thats a little exaggerated but you get the point. I don't know many of the other kids that are here with me well, and to be honest some of them drive me a little nuts.

I'll admit I miss my family, and my friends. And I miss provo and life that i'm used to. I'll admit that I REALLY REALLY miss a good American In and Out burger. I could REALLY use some good Mexican food and maybe a hug from my mom right now. And losing my debit card was the icing on this 'missing America' day. But you know what, there has to be something beautiful about this place, and i'm GOING to find it.

I'm trying to remember the reason that i came here in the first place: to learn Mandarin. It's never been something that I felt extremely ambitious to do, but when I was on my mission, I strongly felt that someday (maybe in my life time) the missionaries WILL enter China. And I want me and my family to have a part in that. And somehow, this language is going to come in handy sometime in my life. I just know it.

Yeah I think its time for an update....

Welcome to the life of someone who is a complete and put together straight up DISASTER. I am a woman that changes her mind alot. I am known to follow my emotions on a whim, or along any path that my heart might lead me without question. I know that this kind of personality drives some people nuts (my mom, bless her soul). But its who I am. I just can't change.

So let me update you on my life. About sometime in October last year I decided that I wanted to find a program to study abroad somewhere in China. And after looking at a gajillion programs, I finally decided on BYU's Nanjing study abroad this Fall semester. I felt good about it, and everything else just worked itself out! I've been taking Mandarin classes all last year and through this summer, and somehow I made it through to Advanced 301 level: high enough to go on the study abroad. So yes, to answer your question, right now I am in CHINA.

I think i'm pretty lucky. This is my second study abroad since i've been an undergrad. The first time I went on the London program to study art before my mission, and ever since I've had kind of a permanant travel itch. But living on the road and out of a suitcase can be tiring after awhile, so this will probably be my last excersion, at least for awhile.

Last week I headed out from Salt lake City on a 24 hour trek to Hong Kong with 3 other girls. Let me back up a little bit. Our study abroad program is in Nanjing China, and there are 24 of us going to study advanced mandarin at the Nanjing Univeristy for 4 months. But a bunch of people wanted to see Hong Kong before we went, so of course I was oblidged to be a little bit of a guide for them in the City that I love so much.

When we flew into the harbor, this is what I saw from my window. One of the most beautiful sights i've ever seen: the HK skyline. And I realized how much I love and missed Hong Kong. My heartstrings felt kind of tender when we got off the plane and into the airport, and I just heard Cantonese everywhere. Now, Hk is a great industrial city. Its a city of beautiful beaches and tons of tourist sights. But thats not why I love it. At the end of the day it's just a city. But what I love about it are the people. I love how rough they are, and how raw and honest they can be, because I feel the same way. And once you get to know them and love them, they just melt into the most loving and helpful and interesting people i've ever known. Just while I was in HK, so many members came with me and my friends to show us around, and took us out to eat, and were so concerned about my life and education and how the "dating" was going lol. It broke my heart a little bit, or alot, to leave. And this brings me back to my point that leaving people is HARD. It is probably one of the hardest things for me. Missing people is my least favorite emotion of all time. And just leaving for these few months for this study abroad has been pretty rough on my heart just in the last few weeks. I miss my friends dearly and I miss my family. And i know that people are busy: its hard for them to always remember me when they have so many things that they are doing. But I never forget the people that I love: NEVER. Not in Hong Kong, or at home. Well, this is my update....more with pictures tonight! :)

Kung Foo

Ok so sorry that I suck so much at posting. So much for every day. But guess what, a couple weeks ago I went to the Provo farmers market and I saw a booth with some signs for martial arts. Well, what you might not know about me is that I have a passion for wrestling and getting out physical agression. I like to throw things and play fight with my friends. I have even beat some girls that are quite larger than I am! Anyways, when I saw this guy I just couldn't help myself. And he offered me a deal to try out their martial arts center at 3 classes a week plus a private lesson and the little robe thing all for one month, for less than $50! Sounds like a deal to me! So I did it!!!! And viola, today was my first day of kung foo class.

Now, you may not know that kung foo masters have serious standards. You cannot enter the floor without putting on your kung foo robe and belt. You MUST also bow before stepping on to the floor, and bow when stepping off. Class starts and ends with meditation. we did alot of push ups, dance like stretches (all 3 splits and various other poses.....I felt embarrassed because i've pretty much completely lost my splits now :/ ) And THEN we got to the good stuff.....beating each other up! In my class there are only like 8 of us, and the 'Sense'. Yup, that's legit. There is a sense. Then he taught us pretty much how to get someone off of you that comes up to you and grabs your shirt to beat you up. The moves were in about 5 parts and we practiced them over and over. I kind of feel like an expert in that area now. I even got out of a big strong boy's strong-hold! There are 2 other girls in my class, so naturally I am their partners. They are both very nice and pretty strong. I think I said "ouch" at least 5 times while they were practicing on me, purely out of instinct. However, these girls are very devout of the rules of kung foo-ism and so when I started to take my belt off at the end of class, they immediately started hissing at me "kneel!....KNEEL!" I guess you can only take your belt off when you kneel lol. Man this stuff is so asian. Welp, till next time....can't wait till I get to beat more people up!!!

some entertainment for ya

So has anyone noticed lately that movie stars lately seem to feel the need to make all of their videos into mini motion pictures?? Well, here's three that i've watched lately and find pretty entertaining.

"Last Friday Night" -This video is 8 min long, but worth the watch. Katy Perry in head gear is something that I just can't pass up. Also, the cameo appearance of Kenny G is priceless. I also like the video because compared to the lyrics of the song, its not nast. Beware of the credits though lol

"Next to you" by Chris Brown and Justin Bieber. This song is just SO GOOD! I discovered it last week when some friend found it on my ipod and i didn't even know it was on there. However, the random kidnap scene, strange explosions, tribal dancing and Chris Brown's awkward "i love you" are pretty good for a laugh. Its a twisted video, but it keeps my interest.

Yesterday some random friend just started singing this song, and I was like HOLY CRAP! Celine Dion is SO old school! I am not her biggest fan I admit, but I find this song a fun blast from the past, and pretty cheezy...esp the "there were moments of gold and there were flashes of light!" line. Haha enjoy!

Lost Boys

This blog definitely has its name for a reason. Lately i feel like my life is becoming a complete disaster, due to school and work. I am currently working 2 jobs. Ok will the second one is just a little one. I am teaching Cantonese to the little mishes at the MTC 5 days a week. And I now teach at a Mandarin preschool every Monday and Wednesday from 10:30 to 12. So not even a big deal. But its my first job at a real legit SCHOOL!! I can't tell you how grown up that makes me feel!!! I am also taking a mandarin class in the mornings, and a Mandarin Teaching class in the afternoons. So much Chinese in my life right now!!! And sometimes its hard to switch between the two languages. Today I got a new batch of missionaries and we have this new thing where we ONLY speak to them in the language for the first few days. Its really hard but really fun! I carry a white board around with me and write the romanization/english meanings on it while I speak to them. Today we had them introduce themselves and tell about their family, where they are from, and their hobbies. They learned how to say all of that in less than 2 hours!!! It was really amazing and let me say that I feel privileged to work there. Those missionaries are so precious and work so hard. It makes me love being a teacher, seeing how they push themselves. And today we got 12 new ones!!! It was crazy but I loved the energy that was in the classroom and all of their testimonies were things like "I know I want to be here and I can't wait to go and do the Lord's work". Man missionaries like this make me just love my job. Here is a little picture that my last missionaries drew me when they left. I'm the one on the far right! Its hard to let go of your students after 3 months. They promised me they would return with honor :)

Well today at the Mandarin preschool we had a grand ole time playing red light green light outside! The weather was great and it was fun to watch those little guys run around and just be innocent fun loving kids. They sometimes even hold my hand while we are playing! PRESH! But once we got back to the classroom I noticed that 3 of my favorite little boys were missing......and I asked the other teacher and she was like "they were here today!?" Ummm yeah.

So off I went on my hunt to look for the lost boys. I checked the bathrooms. I checked the halls. I went outside and saw nothing but a huge school like field with playground and moms off in the distance playing with their kids. I wondered if maybe their moms had picked them up early? But then that didn't seem like a very feasable option either. You can probably imagine the panic that was starting to go through my mind at this point. I started hunting around the grounds when finally I heard some squeaky little voices up in a big elm tree and there they were, hiding out thinking they were pretty clever. And in the preschool we only speak Mandarin to the kids but I went all MOM on their butts and just blurted out "YOU BOYS GET DOWN HERE NOW! YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!!" Obviously I was not this upset about it.....I mean boys will be boys :) But still, I wanted them to understand that they can't just run away like that! I mean what if I had never found them? what would the parents say? Well they followed me all the way around to the front of the school where I made them point out which cars belonged to their mothers, and I went up and talked to each one of them. And when I came back to the curb where the boys were sitting, i found them all bawling their eyes out! too afraid to aproach their mothers. OMG can you say ADORABLE?? I felt so guilty for being so hard on them though and hope they don't hate me next wednesday because I really love those little guys! I have to say, little kids are def growing on me.

here's to visiting teaching.

So, many of you have heard of visiting teaching before. Its where another girl from relief society may or may not come over and talk to you once a month. She may offer her friendship, or advice in time of need. She may even offer her help when needed with moving or being sick, etc. Well I would just like to say that visiting teaching is inspired for sure. For a long long time my visiting teachers never came. But after my mish I guess God knew that I would need some rockin women to come and rock my world!

Here is my very first and only visiting teacher that ever came pre mish! (kinda sad :/) Her name is Drea. Short for Andrea. She took me under her wing during a summer when i was stuck in Provo, pretty bored and lonely. This girl is hilarious and fun and also very genuine. She took me with her on a trip to Winnemucka Nevada with her 2 step brothers. One of them, Tyler, became probably the best guy friend that I have ever had!!! And we had so many good times over the years. Yup all that started with visiting teaching.

The visiting teacher from this past year was one of my favorites. Her name is Megan and she served in Taiwan and we would talk for hours about our different missions. We would even talk about how much we loved our jade bracelets that random little Chinese people gave us, and she cried with me when mine broke lol :) She went shopping with me for ugly MTC skirts and she likes jamming to Justin Bieber too. She was one of the first women I actually liked after coming home from a mission. and I really needed that cause she is rad. And sometimes I am rad too.

Well, the universe has truly outdone itself because I really have the best visiting teacher of all time now. My visiting teacher rocks my socks off. She has the best taste in music of anyone I know. And the best style. WHY does that matter you ask? Well, when you are an RM my friends, you need all the help and mix CDs you can get :). I think she is probably the best looking visiting teacher i've ever had, and that's really sayin' somethin'! She brings me pumpkin cookies and goes to the park with me when I need to study. My visiting teacher is so devoted to me that she even stands by me in various annoying clubs in school that I have to be the president of. She came to my birthday party and out to get fro yo with me when I turned 2_. She has the best nerd laugh of anyone I know and definitely gives the best advice of any visiting teacher that I have ever had. If I could find a "I heart my visiting teacher" shirt and wear it around Provo, I probably would. Obvi. The last few days i've been a little emotional/doubting myself. And OF COURSE-she came over! And she talked to me-and i spilled my guts and she gave me oh so wise and beyond her years advice that made my heart feel so warm. The "everything is going to be ok in the end" kind of advice. And if it's not ok, then its not the end! I am serious folks, you have never had a visiting teacher this good. There is no other woman around here with a heart as warm and a spirit as strong as this woman. My visiting teacher even takes me with her on road trips to California :D Sure is lucky when your best friend ends up as your visiting teacher. :) :) :)

Love you Emileigh.

Moral of the st0ry? Visiting teachers really do make a difference. I promise.

personal museum.

alright guys: here is day 2 of the daily posts! Ever wanted to have your own museum?

try this link: http://www.intel.com/museumofme/r/index.htm

pretty sweet

RSS

Dear Readers,

guess what! in honor of my sucking at blogging, I have made a new goal. I am going to post at least something EVERY day for the next month. I actually really love blogging and feel good about getting some stuff out of my heart and into the open space since I really fail at writing in my journal. And I think this will make my posts alot more enjoyable for all of you because lets be honest, when I don't post for awhile, my posts are LONG. And I know many people would rather read a short to the point post with lots of pictures. But what am I saying...this is MY blog! So if you don't like my lack of pictures and excess of words, get the crap off here!

Ok here's today's post folks. Its about hand bags. Boys i'm very sorry I made you waste a minute of your life to read to this point lol. But I am going to be honest with you, in a lot of ways I am not a girls girl. I don't spend tons of time looking at clothes or accessories online. When I actually go shopping to an actual store I have to make myself think and re-think about what I buy and try on and re-try on before I buy something. Now I don't do this because I am OCD or because I can't decide. This ritual also makes anyone who shops with me completely miserable, but inherently has become my defense mechanism against restless shoppers syndrome. Now, what is RSS you ask? This condition is most commonly found among white middle class females and among almost all asians. Sufferers of RSS buy the first thing they see that looks sparkly, or cute, or VERY brightly colored, or whatever in the store even if they haven't really looked at it that well or tried it on. It is also the result of just wanting to buy SOMETHING and get the he** out of the store! Women (and some men) that suffer from restless shoppers syndrome often suffer from owning a lot of really ugly clothes, or clothes that go out of style quickly due to being ugly. Restless shoppers are often bamboozled by sparkley/bright colored things things to the point that they are blinded to the true hideousness of the item they are buying. Now, I wasn't always aware that I have restless shopper syndrome, but due to my loving sister, it has become apparent to me that I have a severe case and now have a strict no ruffles-no sparkles-no rhinestones policy. If you think you suffer from RSS, know that there is hope. You CAN beat this. My prescription would be to start looking at a lot of fashion blogs/Jcrew Catalogues.

Now, here is my point. Every bag that I have ever owned, I bought on impulse because it was cute, or had because my mom gave it to me, or i inherited it from my sister. I have never actually spent real money on a purse. This is something that a lot of women obsess over and spend a lot of money on in their lifetimes, but OH NO not me. I would much rather save my money to appease my never ending wander lust. But all that is changing my friends. I have been changing my ways and I decided that I want to buy a bag. An actual bag. Maybe even a nice one that will last. I went to the mall. Both malls actually. Went in every-single-store. FREAK I looked on every online store. I then turned my little sister, the queen of style in desperation. I even bribed her $10 to help me in my search, with no actual intention of paying her real money. (I know I am a horrible sister......but I was desperate). After all of our hunting, little sister found THIS:

This is a nautical bag from Anthropologie that retails for 69.99. It is absolutely adorable and i love the rope straps and the nautical look, which my friend who is also very good at being fashionable, says is 'way in' right now. The inside is even bright red. I love everything about and after looking and looking and looking, I just really want to buy this one. 69.99 isn't even that bad for Anthropologie! This was the prettiest and cheapest bag on their website! However, I have never paid this much for a purse before, nor have I ever intended to. So i'm pretty torn right now. Hopefully i'll make the right decision.....

quad cruisers

OH hey another post!

I live at a place called Santa Barbara, the complex not the city in California. Now, just to let you get an idea of what this place is like, everyone loves to hang out. There is a grassy place in the middle of our complex called 'the quad'. People like to hang out in there and chat, flirt even if you will, but never make a move because they don't have the........somethings. people here also love to be spastic and spontaneous on purpose, just to make themselves feel youthful. But, planned spontaneity,.....well.....doesn't that defeat the purpose? You catch my drift. There are many people that I like to call "quad cruisers". They hang out in the quad, thinking themselves very 'bad a' and even hipster like. Some of them don't even live here. And I'll have to admit, I think they are pretty cool too, whether it out of admiration or out of jealously or possible disdain, i'm still not sure. But quad crusing status is something that I have yet to embark on, out of personal preference. However, tonight around 11:30 I was on my couch minding my own business and I heard voices....many many voices coming from said quad area. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my couch to see what was the matter. Away to the quad I flew like a flash, tore through the bushes, and arrived at the bash. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a million and one people ive never seen before playing rootbeer pong. And as soon as I got out there, It felt like I was in some new hipster land. There were tables everywhere and guys and girls flirtin' it up and the people from our ward were huddled around in a little corner taking cover from the ruckas. We were invaded by the r. beer pong brigade. And it felt like one of those parties you go to where all the hotties are out and on the prowl for other.....hotties. and the point of the party is to look cool and be young, not really to play ping pong obviously. And when I was out there kinda fenagling around and seeing what was going on, I realized that I was over it. I'm over pretending to be some wanna be hipster and having to be involved in everything for fear of not being accepted. I'm over wearing skanky clothes and fawning over certain boys that get all the attention. I'm sick of having to try so hard to fit in to stupid things like this quad cruiser scene that are so pointless/not at all meaningful to my life! And i realized that its ok that i'm busy and actually have ambitions for my life that don't involve chillin' for hours a day. Its ok that I like to have meaningful conversations instead of talk about TV shows and quote movies all night. Its ok that I don't want to be a quad cruiser and its OK that I am who I am. And it's also ok that quad cruisers are who they are. I feel really good about this realization, and now I need to sleeeeppppppp

oh HI blogging world!

Life lately has been busy as ever! I am past due for some life updates. Well I went to California last week! My first time ever in San Fran!!! I am almost done with this term, and today was my last day EVER glass blowing. My little missionaries just left the MTC last night and I saw a big white bus cart them away towards the airport (tear). They grow up so fast! And I also took a second little gig working at a Chinese immersion school teaching Mandarin to little kids (and not well I might add). All in one day I had to break up ninja karate chop fights, corrale children throwing crayons as deadly projectiles, and calm a crying but speechless little girl who was terrorized by the boys throwing the crayons.....all in my third language. MAN. OH I forgot to mention how I got sick for like a week and had to miss my singing jury at school because my throat hurt so bad and there was so much snot up my nose that It probably could have filled a baby wading pool once all blown out. That sure is a nice visual huh? want to come and swim in my pool of SNOT? Didn't think so. I also infected 6 other people and counting who admire and revere me for sharing with them my priceless germs for sure. Yup.

OK So now i'm just rambling. Want to know why? Mostly because it's been a long day, and now I can't sleep. And sometimes that happens when things are written on that little chalk board on the inside of my head that can't be erased yet. And the inside of my eye balls just keep staring at that chalk board and just won't let it go. But tonight I went into my email and and I saw about 3 emails from Lyndsi Shae that I haven't read yet. If you don't know about her you should because she's my best friend and she's servin a mission in California. And her latest email talked about how its her birthday and Pday so they were playing water games and the Elders dumped a huge barrel of water on her head. Their sign of admiration i'm sure. And how after that all of the missionaries were talking about how their families have no idea what their daily lives are like. And Lyndsi was like "its so true though, this week was so hard; a roller coaster of all roller coasters emotionally" And she didn't even want to talk about it, which is unusual for Lyndsi because she never has a problem expressing herself, or with using too many words. But I could feel the extent and depth of this hard week, and it made me remember those days and those weeks being a missionary pouring my soul out all over the street with no one listening, with nothing else to do but speak about Jesus in a foreign language to people who don't give a crap that you poured out your blood sweat and tears to bring them this message. and eat food that you've never even seem before. And sleep. And then get up and do it all over again. And I remembered the days where I felt like I was doing it all by myself and it was HARD. And I know God was carrying me but sometimes it was so hard to feel, even though if he wasn't, I couldn't have done it at all. When I remember those times, those days, I realize I am ridiculous for thinking that my day was hard today. I did nothing hard today. I tanned at the park, ate tacos with my friends, and cleaned my room. Shame on me for thinking my life is hard. I went back to my old mission account and started reading some of my sent emails and I remembered exactly how hard it was. And so beautifully great at the same time. And I remembered where my strength came from. My patience and my virtue and my faith. I remembered them in a time of need in my life and I am thankful for EVERYTHING that I have. I am thankful that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I am thankful for my best friends, esp Lyndsi Shae that showed me this right when I needed it. Funny how best friends do that. They help you when they don't even know they are doing it. Please read this woman's perfectly written words. Her optimism, wit, and wisdom will change you.

Thought of You - by Ryan Woodward

Sorry I've been neglecting this blog so bad! But here's a novel idea....lately I am just so fulfilled by REAL life but I don't have alot of time or even motivation to post as much. And i think that is a good thing for my life. But I found this....its art created by google doodle, and I love this song and I think its pretty sweet to watch.....so enjoy!

The potion of despair

Hello fans! I'm very sorry to end my hiatus from blogging with this post, but its really all that I can think about right now...

You see those three cute little guys? HELL IN A BOTTLE. Here's a little story for ya. When you go to the doctor with certain abdominal pains, and they don't know what else to fix, you get to drink this and spend all day on the couch cursing the doctor, cruising face book and online shopping while the rest of the world leads normal, healthy, PRODUCTIVE lives. These three are NOT your friends people. Their cute friendly demeanor is deceiving to say the least. They are the enemy. I only drank one and a half so far and I have to drink the other one and a half in aprox. 2 minutes and I AM STALLING. This is what drinking this mess is like.....please click the link.

http://youtu.be/0nVQPwH2m4s

Scary? Yup it sure is. These three deadly poisons also prevent me from eating or drinking anything that is not clear. Ya know, drinking deadly potion kind of makes me just like Dumbledore. Yes I am that legit. And while we are on Harry Potter-isms, Maybe this potion will make me look like someone else, or make me have the most bestest most invincible day EVER! That's what I should think while i'm drinking it huh? Or maybe I should just not drink it and say i did? That sounds like a good idea. If it seems like I'm going crazy, oh its because I AM. I drank the first batch right before school and it made me so nuts my best friend had to come and pick me up. I also had to walk at about the speed of a snail for fear of losing said magic potions all over the side walk. TMI??? Well then WHY ARE YOU READING THIS???????? Ok I think i've written enough. Just pray for me ok? Thanks guys.

LOVE!

I am on the ground.

Today is the first day of May, and it snowed yesterday! Want to know what's up with my life? well lots of things honestly. I just moved to a new place......a much safer place. I'm pretty happy about that. Not safer for my body or well being. Safer for my soul. I am taking a glass blowing class! Sometimes I am not very productive, and I keep telling myself that that's OK. You want to hear some stories and see some pictures from my life don't you? Well today's post isn't for that-sorry. Today I want to talk about a poem. Did you know that April was national poem month? (Or something like that :) I'm not much of a writer, and don't claim to be. But I am an artist of sorts, and I believe that my art is motivated by my emotions, my love, and my heart. And do you ever wonder why you love the people that you do? Do you think that your heart could possibly even be programmed to love certain people? Like maybe the love of your life, your best friends, your children: that love was planned out for you before you even came here. And when you meet those people, you literally cannot help it. You MUST love them. It's ingrained in your soul and heart and DNA down to your fingerprints. Your heart beats for them and it feels deeper and fuller. Sometimes my heart feels just blah around people-maybe even a little numb. Then my best friends (or a special someone) comes around, and I FEEL. I feel my humanity coming back to me, and I am strangely awake in my own life. And the colors of everything seem to change from grey and offwhite to violent shades of red and orange and blue. And I want to be a better person all of a sudden, or go off and save all of Africa from world hunger or something. I would do anything for these people. Did God make me love them? Or did my heart just choose them? And the Boys I have loved-oh we won't even go there.

This poem was written by my bestie Lyndsi. She's a writer. And It makes me think about relationships/friendships and how beautiful they are because they are so personal between you and only one other person. Its like a treasure only to be understood and treasured by us two. And no one else will ever understand exactly the way that it feels, or how "we converse with what we cannot describe."

I am on the ground.

I am on the ground.

I am always wondering what I need here.

I am always feeling the crest of the wave

up on my tip toes

neck stretched out

heart comes forth

taller

taller

taller.

And then

we come down.

Teal and blue we fall.

We rumble.

We swirl and stretch horizontal.

We show the shore how much we can touch.

We stretch ourselves thin on the inland.

And then

we retract

Back to the center.

Here in the deep, we mix with what you have never seen.

We converse with what we cannot describe

In a language not collectively spoken

but felt.

It feels like this: upward.

It feels like this: around.

It feels like this: movement.

I am here on the ground.

But I am more than what you see.

In my skinny ponytail and bookbag.

I am further.

I am hoping

to be sonorous.

For now, energy, oscillating.

They say through space and time we are oscillating.

graduation

Today I am packing my things to move to a new place, so I need some good blogging to distract me from packing! The best part is I feel like I'm about to get a new start! And this is my last night here in my little room at this complex. I'll miss this room. It's been a challenging year in my life to be honest, but I needed all of it. I have a million things going on that I need to blog about. Oh don't worry, those are DEFINITELY coming. Finals are over! Its summer break and I'm about to have ALOT of time on my hands :) But right now I want to talk about graduation.

Today I went to campus to turn in a few last minute things (aka my very very late work that I am praying my teachers accept because I am a SLACKER) and I saw people everywhere in caps and gowns. I'll admit-it was a little hard. Sometimes its hard for me to understand why I'm not graduated; why I have been in school as long as I have, and still do not have a bachelors degree to show for it. Some of the kids that I started with my freshman year already have Masters degrees too! And then while I was walking around looking at all the students in their gowns, and the parents beaming at their children and carrying flowers, I started thinking that If I had never left, that would have been me. I would have graduated as planned in the Winter of 2009 and I would be on to a different very life; a life that is a-lot more grown up than the one I have now. It felt weird. And then I realized that that life would erase alot of the good things in my life that are very dear to me, like: my mission, my ability to speak Chinese, my spirituality and Faith, all of the life experiences I have had since then-the unforgettable and the difficult ones alike, the chance to be at BYU with both of my siblings, and all of the friends that Heavenly Father led me to that I love so very much. I can't always answer all of the questions as to why I am still here. I don't know why God made me go on a misson sometimes. I don't know why I had to prolong graduation an extra 2 semesters to study Mandarin. I don't know why I am studing a Major that takes 5 years to complete and doesn't pay much more than $40,000 a year at best. I just don't know. I don't know every single little thing about my life. But I know that it will work out, and that it will be great. I know that I am doing the right thing right now. And I am happy, even if I am still here living the good old college life. I mean hey, my mom did always tell me "whats the rush to work Emily. You have your whole life for that!" I think you're right mom. And through it all I feel so lucky and so blessed to have the life that I do. Thats how I know its right.

If you want to hear about moving adventures, graduation parties, finals, and deep soul moments over text, check back in the next few days :D

-emily

♫ Kael Alden - Where You Belong

my brain has turned to mush. But I LOVE this.

This is what I look like right now.

SCARY. To study or not to study.....that is the question. this mess is ridiculous. Those tired bags under my eyes; That sallow complection: All from lack of sleep due to SCHOOL. And don't even get me started on how long its been since i put on my make up or even brushed my hair before I went to class/work. It's time for a vacation! A very very LONG vacation. I'm beasting through a form and analysis project and a chinese final. Lets see how many hundreds of characters I can remember!!! YAY! Sometimes learning Chinese just SUCKS. But a jedi's gotta do what a jedi's gotta do.

Total Domination-this is happening.

If my life were a movie, this week would be the climax. The last 3 months have been leading up to this point. Its all on this week: I gotta pass finals. then I'm free! My last full semester on campus will be OVER! This some came on today. Its time to dominate, and then on to the good life!!!!

Insomnia

So lately my body came up with this great idea to wake me up at 5:30a every morning so we can get stuff done. Even on Saturday and Sunday, the only days I can sleep in. GREAT IDEA BODY!!!! Lets get up early to do all the stuff I feel guilty about not doing yet!!!! Except that after not completing assignments and emailing people back for so long, it turns into this ball of guilt inside of me. So I procrastinate further in order to avoid said guilt cause who wants to deal with THAT, which results in procrastinating even further and wasting lots and lots of time on the internet. This gets me to the point where my guilt for not doing stuff becomes so huge and overwhelming that it is a responsibility in and of itself just to carry that around all the time! And takes up most of my capacity to be productive. This makes the guilt and stress bigger and bigger, which leads me to avoid it further and further and just keep surfing the internet because that is ALL THAT I CAN HANDLE!!!!!! This post says it all people. Just like this girl, I too bought groceries today as a feeble attempt to seem like a legitimate adult. Luckily with my recital out of the way, I can get some knots out of my stomach and relax a little more :)

Fish

Among all my 'friend'-imonys lately, let me take a second to blog about someone that I absolutely love. Her name is Laura. Laura Masterson actually. Meet little sister! In our family we like to call her "fish". Its been her nick name for as long as I can remember and it came from some pokemon we used to call her named warfish that got changed to 'lor'fish....and then shortened to just fish. And it stuck. Little sis just cut all of her hair off and donated it to charity-which is what makes me want to blog about her. Even though my sister and I are very different, we have always been very close and I just love her to PIECES!!!

When I was in high school and had to work late nights on my roller skates at sonic, I would come home to little crayon colored notes on the door of my room from her saying "welcome home" with roller-skates drawn on the front. She comes to all my concerts and recitals and tells me her favorite songs. Ever since I can remember, she has always supported me. I can't describe it but being a big sister comes with huge responsibility. I will always feel that it is my duty to protect and look out for her! I have always told laura that if she ever got cancer and had to lose her hair, I would shave my head too and we would get wigs together! Haha now THATs love. And I really would do that for her.

Now-I really hope we don't get cancer lol. But My sister has gone through alot in her life. And she is unbelievably talented! You should see this girl draw a dino! REMARKABLE! And she is quite the actress let me tell ya! She has become SO strong throughout her life, and has always been a person of upstanding integrity, and charity (As evidenced by donating all of her gorgeous hair to locks of love!) She would do anything for a friend or for one of us. I am so proud of who she is and I couldn't imagine not having a little sister. She's the greatest.

Weightless

OK just one more song before I go off to work on my composition for Choral Arranging. The final arrangement is due tomorrow and I'm writing a version of a song I learned in girl scouts when I was 12 or 13. We used to sing this particular song around the camp fire and its stuck with me up until now. I'm writing it into an african spiritual for 4 part choir complete with African Djumbe. We get to perform the piece next week during our final class period and let me just say that I am very proud of what I have written so far, and might actually use this piece when I am legit teacher. I will post a recording as soon as I have one!

NOW for the video: I know I just posted a song but I'm kind of obsessed with music lately....which isn't exactly a bad thing. Today I was running some errands and this song came on my Ipod. Considering the piles of stuff that I have to get done in the next 4 days (and in the next 2 weeks -_-), I was feeling a bit heavy with the responsibility of everything pushing down on me. but THEN this song came on and I felt things start to lift. I really felt lighter, almost weightless even. Funny how a song can effect you that way. I just love music. Good thing I teach it! ;)

Honey just remember-you are 32 flavors and then some.

This has been one of my favorite songs for a long time. I love Ani DiFranco's voice and the lyrics to this song just really stick with me. Probably because people in this world will try to tear you down. They will try to criticize who you are, or maybe even just make you feel bad about yourself unintentionally. But it doesn't matter. Because we are great. Every single person that is reading this. We are unique, and sometimes ignorant people can't see that. We will rise up from the ash of criticism and cynicism to maintain the integrity of who we are. You are better than 32 flavors. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I think I get this point of view from my father. He always taught me to stick up for myself, and believe in my self. He taught me to be strong and independent. This song personifies that to me. Take a listen.

Emily {e-mi-lee} N.

This is the name that my mother gave me. And do you want to know that sometimes i do not feel like an Emily? Lots of people-when they forget my name, they call me Ashley. I really look like an Ashley. But luckily my mom did not name me that because I am not too fond of Ashleys usually. I've never had one close friend named Ashley, which is really saying something considering the popularity of the name. I can't even think of one person right now named Ashley that will read this blog, so it's ok if I say that. But do you ever search your own name in like google or something? I did that today while I was procrastinating and this is what I found.

The name Emily has the following meaning:

"One who is hardworking and industrious. This name has topped the US top 1000 charts in recent years. Extremely popular."

I couldn't agree more. I am DEF hardworking considering all the facebook stalking and blogging I do every day! WHEW. Its hard to be me LET ME TELL YA. And I could be considered industrious. I sell things on ebay sometimes.

Ok with the jest out of the way, I actually do consider myself a very hardworking person. Sometimes too hardworking to be honest. Which is why I cannot understand why I keep desecrating my name, which is 'extremely popular' by the way, because I cannot just get over my senioritis when i'm not even graduating yet, and get my stuff DONE. Tonight I was working on some Chinese homework that was due two weeks ago. I have to sing in a recital on saturday. I haven't practiced since Thursday. I forgot to register for my block class before the deadline passed, and now it is up against a review board to see if they will consider letting me add it or not. I lose my cell phone at least twice a week. And I often show up to work 5 min late because I wake up late and throw my clothes on before taking one quick glance in the mirror. BYE BYE diligence, good grooming, and punctuality.

"Emily is currently a popular baby name, with a recent overall USA popularity ranking of 1 out of 1000 (source: 2000s U.S. Census)"

According to this site, one out of every 1,000 people in the US is named Emily. Or something like that. That means that out of the 32,000 students at BYU, there should only be 32 Emily's.

Yes I did look this up. When the name "Emily" is searched in the BYU directory, 16 pages come up. Each page has 30 people on it except for the last. I got out my calculator cause numbers hurt my brain and figured out that there are 466 Emilys total here at BYU (467 If you include Emileigh, who is the only Emileigh at this school BTW-lucky). HOLY guacamole everyone and their MOM has this name! I think this might be the most popular name at this whole school, even compared to Ashleys (a mere 336). Now, I guess this is BYU. So at least someone has to be hardworking and industrious, and its not me! So I've got 466 other people out there pullin' the weight for me :) good work girls.

But seriously sometimes I don't know how I feel about how common my name is. And weirdly enough, when I look at the mirror, I don't feel like an Emily. I don't see it. Not that I don't like it. I mean its cute! Its fresh and has that nice sing song quality to it. Like triplets (the notes, not children). I don't know why some days I think I should have been named Summer. Or Claire. But definitely not Jessica because I don't like common names and I just searched that one and there are 570! Whew ok Emilys are still somewhat original. Bottom line: I am not naming my child after me. That makes it sound like I already have a child....i mean my unborn non existent child that is in heaven waiting for me to suck it up and get hitched and make some babies. I want him/her to have a good strong, original name. Like Rainbow or Strawberry or Hermione or something. I dunno just something cool. Maybe i'll name all of my children after Harry Potter Characters!! YES! I like this idea already. and now it is late and I am rambling.

Peace!

em

Change

This weekend over conference I was pumped with SO many insights and thoughts about my life that it was both gloriously invigorating AND a little bit overwhelming. Last night before I fell asleep I was trying to sort all of the thoughts in to little categories and concrete spaces in my head so they wouldn't be swirling around so quickly and making a mess in there. And the one word that i could use to make sense of it all was CHANGE. I am thankful for the gospel and religion in my life because it motivates me to change. And I have a huge long list of things that I need to change in my life after yesterday. I'm hoping to make that list shorter and shorter in the coming month as i work on the things that I need to do better at LIKE provident living, being faith filled, sharing the gospel, working towards getting married (lets save that discussion for another day lol), and just being a more charitable person in general. I know that there are so SO many things that I need to be better at, but sometimes when you are at the bottom of a mountain looking up, it seems so impossible to start climbing towards the top. But conference gave me some motivation and some specific ideas of things that I need to start doing NOW. And that's the beautiful thing about the gospel; that being religious is not just an idea. It is in the little things that we DO day in and day out like reading scriptures and remembering to pray. These things help me to become a person that portrays the Savior. Sometimes it hurts a little bit to have to change. It is difficult to say "i'm not going to do that anymore" even though i want to do things I shouldn't. Just like that one talk by Elder Oaks about desire says, we start with a desire. And I DO have desire, but sometimes I let my natural man get the best of me. I just need to tell myself that my desire to read my scriptures every day can over-ride my natural instincts to asleep :P YES! I can do that. And my desire to be a more charitable person can over-ride my temptation to judge others. Bottom line, there are things that I can and will change because of this conference. And I just love our church so much because it helps me to be better. I hope that I can be a person that helps others and always uplifts the people I love!! And not by what I say, but just from the spirit that lies within me, and by the person that I am trying to become. I hope to have more love in my self so that I can touch hearts. Because SO many people in my life inspire me and help me just by being who they are: examples of faith and selflessness. Its time for some changes.

Oh ingrid.....i'm a fan :)

Before I sit down and listen to conference, I want to give you a listen from my ipod.....

I love all kinds of music. Really. All kinds. You can find Mozart's Don Giovanni (that's an opera) Right next to my alternative music and show tunes on my ipod. And of course I love my girl Ingrid Michaelson! She's a personal fave because her music is so chill and she is so talented. And sometimes i just need to take a step back from my crazy life and remember the good things. This song is one of my favorites, and it's not as well known so of course its not on myplaylist.com. But it is probably my favorite song of hers. My best friend and I used to listen to this song all the time on one of our soul CD's and it really feels like it belongs in this warm weather singin' it with someone you love!

thankful.

So I just want to congratulate myself for posting FORTY (40) posts so far this year WHILE going to school full time, and working 20 hrs a week. I also have a social life and exercise occasionally. How do I do it!? Oh honey I have NO idea. Except that alot of my school work is really suffering this semester and I have several assignments that I have yet to turn in. But lets not talk about those. Procrastinating homework is the reason why I've gotten so good at BLOGGING! I also would like to congratulate myself for recently surpassing over 500 hits on this blog. Someone besides me reads this mess!!! Praise Jesus! I'm not just writing to myself after all ;)

So-what should we talk about today?

How about things we are thankful for. Today I talked to a lady....she listened to my life. And as I was telling her my problems, I couldn't help but feel a huge overwhelming feeling of gratitude for everything that is in my life right now. I have an amazing job, I have a family that adores me and would do anything for me. And I would do the same for them. I have a great home. I eat alot of good food. And I mean ALOT....and I am still in good shape. yeah! I am in good health and feel good about myself as a person and about my body. And most of all right now....I have friends. I have so many of the most amazing friends that a girl could ever ask for and they have saved my life. When I tell my mom about each one of these friends she breathes out a sigh of relief because she knows that ever since I was like 13, my friends have been staples in my life. They are gems to me. And I have SO MANY best friends because I treasure them, and I make them stick. I NEVER give up on a friend that I really love.

Alot of my most memorable moments in my life are with my best friends, laughing till we peed our pants over the most random things that wouldn't even be funny to anyone else, discovering the ups and downs of life together, or even sharing hard times with one another. And even though my friends now are all new, I am actually thankful for having to start over. I never thought I would say that but I really am. I couldn't imagine my life without these new people that I love so much! And I had to be stretched a bit out of my comfort zone to find them....its not easy going out on your own and trying to find a place to belong! But it has been SO worth it. I am so thankful for the moments that we have together and know we will have a million more! Friendship to me does not just come over night; its a million little things that add up to a greater love for another person. And its amazing how little things like friendship bracelets, fro-yo, and diet coke can make me love someone SO much.........

Thanks for being in my life.

gomusicnow.com

If you have not yet discovered www.gomusicnow.com please go immediately! If you upload $30 via credit card you can buy almost any song you want on that site for $0.09. Or just download a whole album for a little over $1.

WORTH IT.

Taken.

Today on campus I went to the sugar and spice as ush, and I saw a little flier that said this:

"BYU Free the slaves

Panel Discussion on Human Trafficking

The Question:

Can human trafficking be eradicated?

Come join the discussion and hear what the experts think!

THURSDAY MARCH 31st
5:30 PM 3106 JKB "

Now ever since I came home from my mission and my mother made me watch THIS movie, I have been fixated on eradicating human trafficking.

It is a huge problem in the world right now, even here in the United States, and especially in Europe and Asia. Millions of woman and children every year are captured and sold into sex slavery that do not make it out alive. In the US, craigslist has been reported as the number one source to blame for successful underground child exploitation. When the women/children are taken captive, they are immediately put on high dosages of highly addictive drugs to keep them sedated and from fighting back or running away. Once they are addicted, they cannot escape. They are forced to see hundreds of customers in a week, not seeing even a single penny from their earnings. These women are literal slaves in a corrupt underground market that is being run in countries all over the world. Most victims die within the first month of drug overdose, and don't make it more than four years due to aids. However, some women have survived or escaped to tell their story. If you can stomach it, look up MTV's EXIT campaign. When I think of these women, I cannot just sit back and do nothing!!!! I want to do something to help, but I don't know what. I have some friends that feel strongly about the subject too, and therefore we are going together to take a stand. Thursday at 5:30. Let me know if you want to come too!!

indian lover.

I want to declare to you right now that I have a small obsession with all things american indian. I love Pocahontas. That's my fave disney movie. I have dream catchers in my room and feather earrings. When I was younger my mom bought me this little box of "worry people". They are little matches that are made to look like little people and when you put them under your pillow while you sleep, they take your worries away :) And when I was young you could find me out in our huge back yard shafting my leaf raking responsibilities and dancing around with the rake making indian calls and doing a rain dance. You can see why I like native american stuff right? Just so cool.

Newho, one of the things that I love about native americans is their jewelry. If you truely know me, you know that I am obsessed with jewelry. I have boxes and boxes of it. I make it. I buy it. I just get it from everywhere. And one of my traditions is that I have to buy a piece of jewelry from every single place that I travel. Now don't go thinkin that I have a room full of million dollar jewelry because that is NOT the case. Some of the things I have bought cost as little as $5, or I find some great beads and make a sweet sweet bracelet when I get home. Here's some of my stuff:

coral beads from france

bracelet that I bought on the beach in italy

earrings from China

handmade ring from London

turquoise stones found in Mexico


Well, you could probably say that I am obsessed with all kinds of jewelry, but I am especially obsessed with Turquoise. I love the color....it is my favorite color and my curtains down to my ipod cover are turquoise. One time my mom bought me a tiffany bracelet that she saved up to buy me when I turned 21 because I turned into a "real" lady then :) and I liked the box as much as the bracelet. And my sister stole the box and the little leather bag that it came in while i was gone!!!!!! Oh the humanity of it!! Well, this weekend at BYU there was a native american craft fair. My sister told me about it seeing as she knows i love ALL things native american and ALL things turquoise. And I just couldn't resist myself! I picked this little guy up and It's SO BEAUTIFUL!

And this ring is real! And not even that expensive :) I just love love love this stone! I love the color and the textures of it and all the different shades that it comes in. Its just the most gorgeous thing to me. No wonder the indians are obsessed with this stuff too. They say that it has magical powers, just like JADE which happens to be my next favorite stone :)

Well HELLO there!!

I should be doing my chinese homework right now since I have a class in about 30min that i'm probably not going too....lol. My life is so ridiculous! BUT, I need to tell you something thats in my heart.....

Yesterday I had a hard day. And its OK! Don't worry about me too much. But it reminded me of last semester turmoils in a sense that alot of things happened that just made me feel down right poopy. And one of these things that was hard then was my lack of job security. I kept going through job after job....house cleaner, then Nuskin, then being jobless and wondering "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?" And then I saw an ad online for a teaching job at the MTC. I NEVER planned to work at the MTC but I was PRETTY desperate and so I called the lady.

Me:"Hello? I want to interview for the job! Is it still available?"
Julie:"Yes it is! Do you speak spanish?"
"Um, no. I thought the job was for English?"
"Are We talking about the same job here?"
"umm not sure. I was talking about the English teaching position I saw on the internet"
"Oh well there aren't any teaching jobs right now. Sorry! that posting is supposed to be for a job here in our office"
"Oh.....well........can i interview for that job?"

Haha I didn't even know what that job was! And that Is how I started working at the MTC! I interviewed up against like 10 other applicants, and they told me they would call me after the weekend to tell me if I def. didn't have the job, or if I was still being considered. But on the day I interviewed, I got a call from Julie, my boss. And I was like "oh no! They already know they don't want me!" But they called 3 hours later THAT day to tell me they were sure that I was the lady for the job!!

I came into the MTC HR office to a great working environment, and great co-workers. Julie, who is like 32 and as spunky as a girl straight out of the pioneer days (really), was my boss. Brittany and Maren were quiet and reserved but OH so nice and helpful. And then there was Rebekah who always talked to me about what boys she loved and played youtube music from her computer!!. I really liked talking to her during work, and she even invited me to her ugly sweater party at Christmas!! Which was SO nice even though I couldn't go. And I only worked in the office for about a month before Christmas break came and I had to go home. While I was at a little pastry shop in Dallas with my mom one day, I get a call from the MTC. Its the Asian Language Dept. They were told I had the best application out of all of the Chinese Teachers, and they wanted to interview me for a teaching position. I never EVER imagined myself teaching at the MTC. Too legit for me I guess. But I decided to interview, and I got it. And after I left that HR office, I kind of missed it! And one day I came to work and punched in at the time clock, and Rebekah was there! And I was just SOO happy to see her that day! Like when you see someone you REALLY love that you haven't seen in a long time! I was just so happy she was standing there and so happy to see me too! Why hello there bec! Thanks for popping out of nowhere and making my day better when I really need it!

I don't know where Rebekah came from sometimes. It's like one day she wasn't a big part of my life, and then the next day she was, just like THAT (snap). And its one of the easiest and greatest frienships thats ever happened to just fall into my life like it was meant to be!!! I think she had a party that weekend, and I went meaning only to stay for like 15 minutes, and was there for like 3 hours!! Since then we have been great great friends. This woman is funny, witty, charming, BEAUTIFUL, SO fun, interesting heartfelt, and one of the warmest people I have ever met. She has been there for me when I have really needed someone this semester too.

And yesterday when I had the worst worst day....I mean it couldn't have gotten any worse than it did.....she was there for me. Just goes to show that everything happens for a reason and God as a way of putting people in our path that we really need :) I hope she knows how much I LOVE her!!!!

Super Powers!

If you know me, you know that I pride myself on being a very real person. I haven't always been this open and honest. Believe me it's been a process and a struggle at times. But there is nothing I hate more than fake-ness. I hate fake people. yes I do. and don't judge me for that! I hate fake crappy knock-offs of really nice purses. I hate plastic fake food that old people put on their dining room tables....what a tease! What if I tried to eat that mess!? Anyways, you get the picture. I pride myself in being who I really am, even publicly on this blog. Therefore, I admit that I don't really know what I am doing with my life right now. It's in an in between. In limbo if you will. I know where I will BE for the next year yes. But sometimes, things in my life just feel a little unsettled. I feel like something big is coming and I need to get ready.....but what is it??? And has it even come yet? I think alot of other people are feeling this way right now too. I know this because I practice occlemency and can read minds! Actually i'm a blog stalker and I have read it on alot of other blogs :) yep I admit it. But seriously why can't I just be more like a SUPERHERO!? Cause super heros know everything....esp where to find evil crime causing vilains like that Florida team that beat us, or even Lady GAGA in the dark corners of the night! You could just call me Henrietta Potter!! Imagine me taking on the world with my 11 inch peacock feather and whatever heart string wand!? ACCIO LIFE'S PURPOSE! I mean, super heroes, they are confident.....so confident that they will wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes, or on their head, or just wherever they want! And they always look hot! I'll admit I have a small obsession with the Bat Man. I even have a T-shirt that I regularly wear from the little boys section at Wal-Mart. Here's a picture of me trying to be a super hero:

Well, in honor of this unsettling feeling that makes me what to talk about random-ness, I want to let you read something that I wrote in my journal......the paper thing that usually no one else gets to see? yep that thing.

"Sometimes i wonder that if i had a super power, what i would have. Flying would be sweet...if you think about it thats probably Bat Man's main power, and he does alot of good with that. I wouldnt want to hear people's thoughts....that would just be a bad idea for any of us. Seeing the future would just make us end up changing it...so that wouldnt even work. Tonight i was driving just shootin the breeze with myself, thinking about super powers. The needle kept dipping below E and i didnt even care. I just kept on drivin'. Secretly I wanted it to run out of gas because maybe that would magically make time stop....make my life stop. Even for a moment so that i could make everything stop and just be silent for me. and watch the people frozen in time, being human. Then they wouldnt see me crying or look at me driving alone, and i could just re live moments when i wasn't alone until i was ready to hit play again. I keep going forward going forward going forward. sometimes its just terrifying!!! and in that moment in the car i just wanted the remote to my life. i wanted to stop it from happening, or rewind it, or just pause it or something. GO GO GADGET DVR!!!! And the car didnt run out of gas. it kept going, like my life. tick tick tick....minute by minute. the rest of my life goes by, and still approaches. i dont really feel like a hero or anything....but maybe one day i can be to someone and then it will be worth it."