Can't go back now- the weepies

I love this song! So poingiant. I've realized alot of important things in my life lately. There are some things that are holding me back that I have to let go of. It's been hard for me to come to grips with the fact that sometimes you have to fly solo for awhile if you want to find your way. Like the song says, the most important steps are the ones you take by yourself.

Day 3-picture of yourself as a child

Ok, all of the best pictures of me are in my photo albums at home! and I still haven't mastered scanners yet, soooo here is the best I got. Pretty cute eh? I mean, I do what I can. Thats my sister and my brother next to me, and even though we are so different, I have the best brother and sister in the entire world. We grew up under kind of hard circumstances, and some how hard things seem to bring people together and make them even closer than they could have been otherwise! My mom used to always call my sister "Pidgy" and my brother "Alli-scoots" lol. She just called me Emmie....pretty standard. But hey, thats our family! We don't need any of that excentric crap, or a gajillion people in our family to feel like we matter. Us three are all about the quality, and these 2 are quality people. I can't think of 2 people with more integrity and loyalty on this planet! And look at those smiles.....we are so perfect.

That picture was taken on Easter like 20 years ago, and those threads are high class Easter clothes that our momma bought us! And 20 years later, she still puts $100 in my bank account for a new easter dress. Our family rocks....in style. Now I just gotta go shopping!!! One of my besties come with me, PLEASE!!!

day 2-the meaning behind your blog name

Well, my blog is named "Beautiful Disaster" and the older I get, the more and more fitting that name seems to be. I changed it after my mission from "I am Emily M", which was also a good name I think, just because theres alot of blogs out there. Like food blogs and blogs that talk about clothes and catchy ideas and such. I love all of that. But I write a blog to let the world see who I really am. And that name was kind of a declaration saying "i'm not going to hide who I really am anymore, even when its hard!"

I love Beautiful Disaster because to me thats what life is. Its a disaster all the time. Even when you plan it, even when you obsess over it and think and think and think, you can never predict exactly how things will go. Things that seem like the most ridiculous or difficult parts of your life can turn out to be the most inspring and enlightening.

This past week on Choir Tour we went and sang at a Methodist church. The kids felt a little awkward since they really have never been to any church other than the LDS church, but I was right at home cause I used to sing in the choir with my best friend at her Methodist church in our home town. And the pastor said something that really struck me about Oysters! When on oyster gets a piece of sand inside of it, the oyseter puts layer after layer of protective coating over the invasive scratchy grain in order to protect itself. And in the end, it turns out to be a pearl! Man thats life in a nutshell.

As far as me, this semester has been trough....oops i meant to type either tough or rough but hey, trough works lol. Student teaching has been so great but also exhausting, and there have been alot of other things this last 4 months that have left me emotionally exhausted. I've been kind of a disaster. But even when I'm going nuts and acting crazy, the people that love me still love me. You know who you are. And I am so grateful for that. Love is what gives me faith that everything will always be ok in the end. And if its not ok, then its not the end.

So there it is. I'm a freakin' beautiful disaster. Take me or leave me.

Day 1 "A recent picture and 15 facts about yourself"

Well everybody, here it is. Day one, FINALLY. I chose this picture because I just got back from a tour to California with my students. Yes thats, right, my students. I am a legit teacher! And yes its hard to tell the difference between me and the students sometimes, even though I got like 10 years on them! Being a teacher has ups and downs, but I really feel that being with these little guys and teaching them what I know has been one of the scariest and the best experiences of my life! I'll write all about that in another post, but the point is: This picture best defines who I am right now. I love my students!

Its funny how things never quite work out like you plan, and yet without a plan you just end up nowhere! This semester my life has been so crazy. If you are reading this blog It means that you actually care about what I have to say, and therefore you deserve to know the truth that I have been at BYU since 2005! Holy crap thats forever! And during that time ive lived in over 25 different apartments, 3 different countries, worked almost a dozen different jobs, had 7 of my best friends get married, completed almost 200 hours of course work, learned 2 languages, and had a billion life changing moments both happy and sad. Needless to say, life takes you to the most unexpected places sometimes. And I have to admit that change is hard for me. That might seem really strange for someone that has moved so much and kind of been all over the map as far as changing her mind about life. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE adventure. I love traveling and moving and new experiences. But change with people is actually really hard for me, and I am probably the worst person you know at dealing with goodbyes. And I know that pretty soon my life has to change. Soon I will be a college graduate! And nothing makes me happier than to look back on all the work i've done and have that little piece of paper to show for it. But at the end of the day, the paper isn't anything at all compared to all of the life skills i've learned, the experiences i've had, and the amazing friends that i've made.

I can't tell you how lucky I am. I've loved every minute of my mission and my time at BYU. But the people that I have met here along the way are among the very best i've had in my entire life! I have the kind of friends that most people in their lives will never have. I have friends that, when i'm having a bad day, can actually sense my emotions and will call me or text me to see how I am. I have the kind of friends that will make you laugh until you pee your pants watching youtube videos, or will stay up till 6 am talking with you about life. My best friends are my soul mates, even the ones that are married. And nothing has been more fulfilling to me than learning from each and every one of them.

Needless to say, people like these are hard to let go of. I don't even know where i'm going to be living or working for next year! But I know in my heart that its time for my next adventure.

Its blogging time!

Alright people, its time to whip my blog back into shape. I have had a definate blogging down fall over the last year, and I want to get out of my slump. But ya know sometimes a blog feels like a journal: you don't write for long enough and then you just keep not writing, not because you don't have anything good to say, but because it's been so long and you don't know where to start.So all that's about to change. I'm going to do a 30 day blog challenge, and I hope you enjoy!

Here's the break down:
day 1 – recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind your blog name
day 3- a picture of you as a child
day 4- 'somebody had to say it'
day 5- a picture of somewhere you’ve been
day 6- favorite super hero and why
day 7- a picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why
day 9- something you’re proud of in the past few days
day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
day 11- write a bucket list of things you want to do before you die
day 12- things my children will do differently
day 13- your 5 favorite books and why
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
day 16- a picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- write about a sweet memory from your past
day 20- write about your best friend
day 21-a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- something you crave a lot
day 24- post your favorite quote or verse of scripture and why
day 25- where do you want to travel most and why
day 26- list 10 things that you are thankful for
day 27- what I spend money on
day 28- write about what gives you hope
day 29 – favorite tv shows and why you like them
day 30 – movies you can watch again and again.