Monday, February 28, 2011
I'm so happy....
Life is crazy right now.....And let me just be honest. Lately I feel like I have no friends. Yes I have convinced myself of this, and let me tell you it SUCKS big time. Now, before you go feeling sorry for me, just read this whole post. Yes people call me, and they say hi to me at work and at school. People smile at me and they remember my name. But behind those smiles it just feels empty and I feel like no one actually KNOWS me. I NEED PEOPLE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!! I need friends that will just laugh when i'm mouthing off cause i'm pissed about whatever, or that will lend me their shoulder if i need to feel sad for a little while and I don't want to be sad alone. And where are the people that i WANT to tell my life to because they will understand and have felt the same way? I'll tell you where they are. One lives accross the street, and one lives up by the temple; and they have a new best friend. One lives in hawaii, one in Pittsburg, one in Orem, and one in California. And because of this, they just can't be there every second I want someone to go eat with me, or have dance parties, or listen to the madness that is my life right now. The other day I felt like I just had nothing. And I know this isn't really true ,but thats how it felt. And Let me tell you, I've forgotten how to make friends. One of the most basic of human relationships.....I feel clueless on how to instigate. Because before I had SO MANY friends, and I didn't have to do anything to make new ones because I just met new people through them, and I knew that I would like them because they were friends of friends. I feel like finding people that are LIKE me and making them like me should be alot easier than it is right now. So the other day, I was just so mad about this part of my life that I had a mini melt down in my room and stuff was flyin' and i was cursin and the room got trashed, and all of my annoyance was aimed full force at the awkwardness that is ME!!! And I said a prayer in my heart and asked God to just have ANYONE, ANY of the people that I love to find me or text me or call me or just SOMETHING. And these past two days, people that i have been missing called me! They texted me! My BF offered me her Guitar Hero!!! YES!!!! This is something to celebrate in itself!! My bf in Hawaii called to ask about what cough medicine she should buy lol.......hey every little bit helps. Several other girl friends that i've been missing said they would come to my birthday party!!! Some amazing girls took me under their wing and with them to sweet sweet dance parties! And my sister and I-for one of the first times in awhile, I felt like I am actually cool enough to hang out with her now! I'M ACCEPTED!!!! People DO love me!!! Right now I just have the distinct feeling that someone is looking out for me........and i'm so thankful for it. Thanks God. I love you.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Hellogoodbye
On Tuesday I saw hellogoodbye touring their new album "Would It Kill you?". AMAZING. I got some pictures on my phone, but i'm technologically challenged and haven't figured out how to upload them yet. But the balance on their vocals and playing was amazing, and on almost every song the lead changes from and acoustic to an electric guitar or a ukelele. They rocked out man! And the nerdy one with the glasses (Forrest Kline) makes the most adorable nerd i've ever seen. He cracked corny jokes throughout the whole concert!!! I want to marry the hot nerd guitar man.
here's a pic.
and here's a video of my favorite song by them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TJKI4dWY8c
The video is kind of weird. So just disregard that and listen to the song. If you don't know this band please take a listen!!!! We were supper close too and I could see all of their faces! These guys are stellar musicians and performers!!! They seem like great people too.
Gold Hotel and Jukebox the Ghost were there, and I was equally impressed. We bought their CD and had the amazing keyboardist from Jukebox sign it. Just wait till they are famous.
Great first post mish concert :)
here's a pic.
and here's a video of my favorite song by them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TJKI4dWY8c
The video is kind of weird. So just disregard that and listen to the song. If you don't know this band please take a listen!!!! We were supper close too and I could see all of their faces! These guys are stellar musicians and performers!!! They seem like great people too.
Gold Hotel and Jukebox the Ghost were there, and I was equally impressed. We bought their CD and had the amazing keyboardist from Jukebox sign it. Just wait till they are famous.
Great first post mish concert :)
Friday, February 25, 2011
Word of the day....
My freshman year my best friend Maretta and I used to have a word of the day. It was always something like an-noy-ing with the a picture of the girl next door that always came over and asked us to turn our music down. Well the word of the day is makin' a come back. And today it is:
HALITOSIS: (n) The fear of bad breath.
and I HAVE IT BAAAAAAD!! I am terrified of bad breath. And I hate it when people have proximity issues and want to come right up to you and tell you all about how they got a new dog, and some other stuff that I'm not listening to because of their NASTY breath ALL UP IN MY BIT'NESS. And so I have included here a solution for encounters with 'close talkers'
I think it's pretty self explanatory. Not so close now are ya buddy?
HALITOSIS: (n) The fear of bad breath.
and I HAVE IT BAAAAAAD!! I am terrified of bad breath. And I hate it when people have proximity issues and want to come right up to you and tell you all about how they got a new dog, and some other stuff that I'm not listening to because of their NASTY breath ALL UP IN MY BIT'NESS. And so I have included here a solution for encounters with 'close talkers'
I think it's pretty self explanatory. Not so close now are ya buddy?
Blog stockers-here ya go!!!!
My friend did this on her blog, and I kinda liked it. This is for all my new friends that now stalk my blog :) here goes....
Fifty random things about me:
1.I am an adrenaline junkie. I love rock climbing, four wheeling, snowboarding and wake boarding, cliff jumping and watching scary movies. And i've been skydiving too! I won't pretend like I don't get scared to do this stuff, but I love the rush. And ironically i've never broken a bone in my body or even been to the hospital. IM INVINCIBLE!!!!!!!!!
2.I hate wearing shoes. I love walking on the grass or sand or even the sidewalk with my bare feet. One time i even went to class with no shoes in revolutionary rebellion. I know this is kind of weird, but you should try it!! Its so liberating!
3.I have horrible fashion sense. My sister can attest to this. Almost everything in my closet (at least everything that looks good) was picked out by someone else. If its kind of weird or ugly or too big or some crazy color, then i probably picked it out myself. But I have a few of those things that i just can't let go of!!! Like an amazing lime green sweater from H&M that I just love. I love colors!!!!!
4. I always wished that I had an older brother or sister. I just think it would be cool to have someone looking out for me kind of like i look out for my brother and sister.
5. I never floss my teeth. Now I know this is disgusting, but I just hate the feeling of that waxy floss between my teeth! Its like nails on a chalk board to me!!!! im going to be toothless by the time im 35.
6. I type incredibly fast. And therefore I always write WAY TOO MUCH because i type at about the speed that i could speak. about 95 WPM. This goes back to elementary school when our teacher never made us type with the board over our hands, so i just always pecked around for the right letters. Then in Jr high i was the slowest one in the whole school.....i never learned! So my freshman year in high school, my mom made me take typing. I hated her for that!!! But i got really good, and then I IM'ed with my friends every single night, and i got really REALLY good.
7. I am a restless person. I love to move. I love to change my outfits multiple times in the same day. I love to change the song before it is done playing. I change who i like almost daily. I just need change in my life.
8. I am extremely nepotistic. I favor people I know and like. I will recommend them for a job over someone else, even if I have no idea how well they will do.
9. I can't hide my emotions. And my emotions tend to be on all ends of the spectrum....like really high highs, and really low lows. Not in a crazy way of course....but I also am NOT one of those people that just wears the same smile all the time and never gets excited or irritated or extatic about anything. If i'm enthused about something, I am VERY enthused. If I don't really like you, you will probably know because i can't hide it. If I love you, I love you ALOT. And you will feel it. If im upset, or irritated, you will be able to tell.
10. I have a secret ambition to be a girl scout troop leader. I love camping, and i love all the patches and crafts and campfire building. I love it all! And this is a perfect mom thing to do so if i don't have at least one daughter i'll just die because I want to do this!
11. I'm obsessed with Africa. I feel like one day when I go there my heart will both explode and go crazy because of all of the emotions that I have there. Whenever I see those little black babies on the TV with nothing to eat i start to go nuts inside! And when I see pictures of a savannah, a giraffe, or the people there with their beautiful tribal robe things and dark DARK skin, I feel ANGST for Africa. I also really want to beat a drum to some legit tribal music with legit tribal people.
12. I'm crazy for cheeze-its. And peanut butter. Sometimes I even eat them together and it's GLORIOUS.
13. I love China. I love everything about it! Especially the chinese language and the people. I could seriously eat chinese food every meal, and not get tired of it. This is partly from me actually having to DO that for awhile, but now the thought of american food just turns me off alot. I love rice and noodles and SUSHI!!!!
14. I love to dance! And i don't mean sweet little ballroom steps. This dancing resembles napoleon dynamite and step up 3D EXPLOSION! Arms and legs and hair everywhere! This is the most BOSS dancing you have ever seen! And it usually only happens in the car, in the shower, or in my room when i'm bored.
15. I love art. Looking at it and MAKING it! I love to be creative, especially watercolors or messy pencils. I like getting it everywhere.
16. Im super crafty. When i was in high school all the ladies at the church used to get together for their craft blitz twice a year. Every time It was my mom and tons of older ladies that came, and sixteen year old me! Martha Stewart living is one of my favorite magazines.
17. I'm not a girly girl. I love getting messy and dirty or wet. I pride myself in my mud football victories. I love to climb trees in my skirt. Im also a clutz. I drop my crap all the time, and i get more food on me than in my mouth.
18. I have the best friends ever. This really is true. I have friends that would do ANYTHING for me, and I love them so much......sadly most of them are married or don't live here anymore. But i've been blessed to have SO MANY best friends that never forget me! Because when I make friends with someone, I make GOOD friends. And they stick! Friends are one of the most important things to me. All the random aquaintances in the world can't make up for someone that KNOWS you and responds to you in the way that you want.
19. I wish I had more close friends right now :(......
20. I make jewelry. I got started when i was about 19 and I just never stopped. I think im pretty good at it.....at least that's what people tell me.
21. I am part deaf in my left ear. When i was 4 and my mom was doing my hair, she let me hold the bobby pins. One of them jammed itself into my ear somehow :) It makes music teaching a littler harder.
22. I feel destined to be a teacher. I've always loved it. I loved being an EFY counselor. I loved being a tutor and TA during college. I love teaching the missionaries at the MTC. I loved teaching people about God in Hong Kong. Hearing someone pray for the very first time is probably one of the most moving experiences I have ever had.
23. Teenagers are meant for me! They are so cool! And I like to think i'm pretty cool too so we go well together. My friend used to say that most women can't wait to have a baby or have little kids. But ME, well I would love my kids to come straight out of the womb being around the age of 16. Kinda True.
24. I love wrestling. I actually like to call it 'wrassling' because it isn't the legit kind that has weight classes and rules. I just like to run and jump on people!!!!! This also helps me get out any built up aggression. I busted a girl's face one time wrassling her. Don't underestimate me. I have pinned girls that are twice my size. My goal in life is to take a boy down in glorious victory: FACE TO PAVEMENT. Usually only my best friends that have some guts will take me on though :(
25. I've always wanted to learn Karate. I think number 24 can explain this.
26. I like to eat. I eat alot, and I feel NOOOOOO shame in that. I mean i'm still healthy, but I hate calorie counting. It annoys me when I see girls doing that.
27. I'm secretly obsessed with California. Not just the place. All things California. I love the beach and the chill attitude and the weather. I love food in California too and how most California people love organic stuff and rainbow flip flops. Music teachers also get paid alot more there, and the kids learn more than just CLASSICAL. If i wasn't from Texas, I would wish I was from there.
28. I LOVE TEXAS. i love Texas!!!!!! And i don't care if you are annoyed about this. It is the absolute best place on the planet. it feels like HOME there to anyone that comes. Texas people aren't too cool to make friends with the people around them. Come visit me if you need proof. I just love that place.
29. I hate capitalizing words. I never capitalize my name, or the names of proper nouns. I just don't like it and this is my blog so I don't have to.
30. My middle name is marie, same as my mom and grandma. My first name came from a lady on my dad's favorite TV show back in the day that featured Dick Van Dike as the star. That's how old it was and I can't remember the name. But he said that the lady Emily was beautiful and he liked the name. I secretly wish that my name was more unique though.I could see myself being called Summer. Or Autumn. Seasons are totally original right!?
31. I am a bonafide country girl. I eat okra and grits. Biscuits and gravy are a personal favorite. I abbreviate my words (like fixin'). I call people honey. I only like warm weather, and I like rolling around in the mud. I WANT a JEEP!!! I also think that farm boys are hot. YES. but not Utah farm boys. sorry.
32. I am one of the only people I know that loves almost every kind of music. R&B is my favorite. Like Chris Brown, Usher, and Ne-Yo. Ill admit I like pop music. Dance music is the best cause I can jam....MICHAEL JACKSON! I have a love hate relationship with Lady Gaga. I hate her cause she is nast. I love her because she's got so much talent. And when I hear Alejandro, Poker Face, or Bad Romance I HAVE to sing along. I have fought this tooth and nail but Lady Gaga wins every time. My fave bands are Dashboard Confessional, Deathcab Coldplay, Imogen Heap, Jack Johnson, Blue October, Regina Spektor, or Colbie Collait. I really like emo music. Think Dashboard's VERY first album. I love country too. Lonestar, Rascal Flats, and Taylor Swift are some faves. To name some more I love 70s, 80s, 90s, some techno, classical, opera, rap, and classic rock. I used to have all of Ludicris' songs on my ipod. These days Im tryin' to clean it up a little :) I DONT like too much screaming cause It sounds too painful to me, and I don't like my musical experiences to be painful. Alternative is sweet too. I dig Yellowcard, Ataris......OH yeah and electronic like Hellogoodbye and Owlcity.
THE LIST GOES ON AND ON!!!!!!
33. I want summer to be here NOW. That is my time. I live for swimming and being tan and chilling with friends every day. I can't wait for flip flops and shorts and long warm nights that you can stay out and play outside in. And SNOWCONES!! I love the snow shack in orem....they add creme or ice cream to your snow cone. And my favorite is the fuzzy navel.
34. I'm really hungry right now. Why am i writing on this blog instead of eating?????????
35. This summer I am going to learn how to play the guitar. My mom gave me her old one and i've learned how to play chords but i've never actually played anything on it. I just need that for my soul.
36. My parents have been divorced since i was 4. This is not the tragedy that everyone seems to think when I tell people because life actually got alot better for all of us after that. I have the best step parents in the world! how can you argue with having 4 parents?
36. I think about love alot, and what it means to me to love someone, or to love a friend. Love is so important to me and I try not to hide it when I love someone. All my relationships seem to be very INTENSE. LIke the kind of love you see in movies. Its big and its epic and its burning.....and I don't know if its gonna be there tomorrow or not, so I cling to every moment. This kind of love is so angsty, and kind of desperate. Somewhere in my mind I think that love should be more calm and constant; built over time out of mutual respect and not formed solely out of passion and raw emotion. Deep down I believe this is the reason that im not married....because i've never experienced this kind of love. I'm not even sure If I know how to love like this. maybe one day.......
37. I am impulsive! Most of the best decisions I have ever made where made in a split second on a whim. I mean I always have a plan but sometimes at the very last second I have a strong strong feeling to change, and so I go with it. I trust my gut and it's never gotten me into trouble yet. That's how I decided to serve a mission too. My poor mom always gets a heart attack from these decisions.
38. I have an attitude. My real friends can embrace that.
39. I need to feel included in a circle of friends, and I try hard to be accepted by people. It is one of my biggest fears that you won't accept me for who I am or that you will think i'm weird. I don't want anyone to actually KNOW that i try though. I try to play it cool.
39. In high school I ran track. I ran the long distance races and I trained for forever to run these. This makes me think Im pretty legit. I like to think that I started to get my ambitious drive from pounding out all those miles every day. However, the real reason I joined was because this boy I loved was running too. :) Convenient.
40. I really really really want to ride in a hot air balloon.
42. I always stay up late. I can't remember the last time I went to sleep before 11.
43. I have a love affair with life. It's up and down. One day i'm madly in love with it and another day i'm just feeling like it's blah. I also have a love affair with my Mac. And Adam Brody.
44. I am a letter writer. That is one of my favorite things to do. My words come out better written than in person.
45. I'm really excited for next month.....Cause its my birthday!!! And of course the festival of colors. If you don't know what that is you should google it, and then you should get out more!
46. I'm singing in a recital this semester. I'm both excited for the challenge and kind of nervous. I haven't done a recital in awhile. Its April 9th at 5:30 if you are interested :)
47. Sometimes I like to walk around the house wearing my favorite hoodie with the hood up. I secretly pretend that i'm a legit balla' or a little blonde bad-a or something. The only reason I think I can get away with this is because I grew up with a ton of black kids and they treated me like I was their own!
48. I hate chocolate milk but i'm addicted to chocolate soy milk. Go figure.
49. One of my VERY favorite things to do is to drive in the car with the windows down with my best friends. And we have to bust out our favorite songs together like its the last time we will ever get to sing them! Something about singing together and driving together just bonds me to people! I have some of my best memories in the car running away with my friends to california, vegas, moab.....! So if you go on a road trip with me, ill probably love you forever.
50. My favorite song all through high school was "A thousand miles" by Vanessa Carlton. Haha I know that's not like some deep song, but I liked it. Now its "Marching Bands of Manhattan" by Death Cab. Or "Hide and Seek" By Imogen Heap.
Fifty random things about me:
1.I am an adrenaline junkie. I love rock climbing, four wheeling, snowboarding and wake boarding, cliff jumping and watching scary movies. And i've been skydiving too! I won't pretend like I don't get scared to do this stuff, but I love the rush. And ironically i've never broken a bone in my body or even been to the hospital. IM INVINCIBLE!!!!!!!!!
2.I hate wearing shoes. I love walking on the grass or sand or even the sidewalk with my bare feet. One time i even went to class with no shoes in revolutionary rebellion. I know this is kind of weird, but you should try it!! Its so liberating!
3.I have horrible fashion sense. My sister can attest to this. Almost everything in my closet (at least everything that looks good) was picked out by someone else. If its kind of weird or ugly or too big or some crazy color, then i probably picked it out myself. But I have a few of those things that i just can't let go of!!! Like an amazing lime green sweater from H&M that I just love. I love colors!!!!!
4. I always wished that I had an older brother or sister. I just think it would be cool to have someone looking out for me kind of like i look out for my brother and sister.
5. I never floss my teeth. Now I know this is disgusting, but I just hate the feeling of that waxy floss between my teeth! Its like nails on a chalk board to me!!!! im going to be toothless by the time im 35.
6. I type incredibly fast. And therefore I always write WAY TOO MUCH because i type at about the speed that i could speak. about 95 WPM. This goes back to elementary school when our teacher never made us type with the board over our hands, so i just always pecked around for the right letters. Then in Jr high i was the slowest one in the whole school.....i never learned! So my freshman year in high school, my mom made me take typing. I hated her for that!!! But i got really good, and then I IM'ed with my friends every single night, and i got really REALLY good.
7. I am a restless person. I love to move. I love to change my outfits multiple times in the same day. I love to change the song before it is done playing. I change who i like almost daily. I just need change in my life.
8. I am extremely nepotistic. I favor people I know and like. I will recommend them for a job over someone else, even if I have no idea how well they will do.
9. I can't hide my emotions. And my emotions tend to be on all ends of the spectrum....like really high highs, and really low lows. Not in a crazy way of course....but I also am NOT one of those people that just wears the same smile all the time and never gets excited or irritated or extatic about anything. If i'm enthused about something, I am VERY enthused. If I don't really like you, you will probably know because i can't hide it. If I love you, I love you ALOT. And you will feel it. If im upset, or irritated, you will be able to tell.
10. I have a secret ambition to be a girl scout troop leader. I love camping, and i love all the patches and crafts and campfire building. I love it all! And this is a perfect mom thing to do so if i don't have at least one daughter i'll just die because I want to do this!
11. I'm obsessed with Africa. I feel like one day when I go there my heart will both explode and go crazy because of all of the emotions that I have there. Whenever I see those little black babies on the TV with nothing to eat i start to go nuts inside! And when I see pictures of a savannah, a giraffe, or the people there with their beautiful tribal robe things and dark DARK skin, I feel ANGST for Africa. I also really want to beat a drum to some legit tribal music with legit tribal people.
12. I'm crazy for cheeze-its. And peanut butter. Sometimes I even eat them together and it's GLORIOUS.
13. I love China. I love everything about it! Especially the chinese language and the people. I could seriously eat chinese food every meal, and not get tired of it. This is partly from me actually having to DO that for awhile, but now the thought of american food just turns me off alot. I love rice and noodles and SUSHI!!!!
14. I love to dance! And i don't mean sweet little ballroom steps. This dancing resembles napoleon dynamite and step up 3D EXPLOSION! Arms and legs and hair everywhere! This is the most BOSS dancing you have ever seen! And it usually only happens in the car, in the shower, or in my room when i'm bored.
15. I love art. Looking at it and MAKING it! I love to be creative, especially watercolors or messy pencils. I like getting it everywhere.
16. Im super crafty. When i was in high school all the ladies at the church used to get together for their craft blitz twice a year. Every time It was my mom and tons of older ladies that came, and sixteen year old me! Martha Stewart living is one of my favorite magazines.
17. I'm not a girly girl. I love getting messy and dirty or wet. I pride myself in my mud football victories. I love to climb trees in my skirt. Im also a clutz. I drop my crap all the time, and i get more food on me than in my mouth.
18. I have the best friends ever. This really is true. I have friends that would do ANYTHING for me, and I love them so much......sadly most of them are married or don't live here anymore. But i've been blessed to have SO MANY best friends that never forget me! Because when I make friends with someone, I make GOOD friends. And they stick! Friends are one of the most important things to me. All the random aquaintances in the world can't make up for someone that KNOWS you and responds to you in the way that you want.
19. I wish I had more close friends right now :(......
20. I make jewelry. I got started when i was about 19 and I just never stopped. I think im pretty good at it.....at least that's what people tell me.
21. I am part deaf in my left ear. When i was 4 and my mom was doing my hair, she let me hold the bobby pins. One of them jammed itself into my ear somehow :) It makes music teaching a littler harder.
22. I feel destined to be a teacher. I've always loved it. I loved being an EFY counselor. I loved being a tutor and TA during college. I love teaching the missionaries at the MTC. I loved teaching people about God in Hong Kong. Hearing someone pray for the very first time is probably one of the most moving experiences I have ever had.
23. Teenagers are meant for me! They are so cool! And I like to think i'm pretty cool too so we go well together. My friend used to say that most women can't wait to have a baby or have little kids. But ME, well I would love my kids to come straight out of the womb being around the age of 16. Kinda True.
24. I love wrestling. I actually like to call it 'wrassling' because it isn't the legit kind that has weight classes and rules. I just like to run and jump on people!!!!! This also helps me get out any built up aggression. I busted a girl's face one time wrassling her. Don't underestimate me. I have pinned girls that are twice my size. My goal in life is to take a boy down in glorious victory: FACE TO PAVEMENT. Usually only my best friends that have some guts will take me on though :(
25. I've always wanted to learn Karate. I think number 24 can explain this.
26. I like to eat. I eat alot, and I feel NOOOOOO shame in that. I mean i'm still healthy, but I hate calorie counting. It annoys me when I see girls doing that.
27. I'm secretly obsessed with California. Not just the place. All things California. I love the beach and the chill attitude and the weather. I love food in California too and how most California people love organic stuff and rainbow flip flops. Music teachers also get paid alot more there, and the kids learn more than just CLASSICAL. If i wasn't from Texas, I would wish I was from there.
28. I LOVE TEXAS. i love Texas!!!!!! And i don't care if you are annoyed about this. It is the absolute best place on the planet. it feels like HOME there to anyone that comes. Texas people aren't too cool to make friends with the people around them. Come visit me if you need proof. I just love that place.
29. I hate capitalizing words. I never capitalize my name, or the names of proper nouns. I just don't like it and this is my blog so I don't have to.
30. My middle name is marie, same as my mom and grandma. My first name came from a lady on my dad's favorite TV show back in the day that featured Dick Van Dike as the star. That's how old it was and I can't remember the name. But he said that the lady Emily was beautiful and he liked the name. I secretly wish that my name was more unique though.I could see myself being called Summer. Or Autumn. Seasons are totally original right!?
31. I am a bonafide country girl. I eat okra and grits. Biscuits and gravy are a personal favorite. I abbreviate my words (like fixin'). I call people honey. I only like warm weather, and I like rolling around in the mud. I WANT a JEEP!!! I also think that farm boys are hot. YES. but not Utah farm boys. sorry.
32. I am one of the only people I know that loves almost every kind of music. R&B is my favorite. Like Chris Brown, Usher, and Ne-Yo. Ill admit I like pop music. Dance music is the best cause I can jam....MICHAEL JACKSON! I have a love hate relationship with Lady Gaga. I hate her cause she is nast. I love her because she's got so much talent. And when I hear Alejandro, Poker Face, or Bad Romance I HAVE to sing along. I have fought this tooth and nail but Lady Gaga wins every time. My fave bands are Dashboard Confessional, Deathcab Coldplay, Imogen Heap, Jack Johnson, Blue October, Regina Spektor, or Colbie Collait. I really like emo music. Think Dashboard's VERY first album. I love country too. Lonestar, Rascal Flats, and Taylor Swift are some faves. To name some more I love 70s, 80s, 90s, some techno, classical, opera, rap, and classic rock. I used to have all of Ludicris' songs on my ipod. These days Im tryin' to clean it up a little :) I DONT like too much screaming cause It sounds too painful to me, and I don't like my musical experiences to be painful. Alternative is sweet too. I dig Yellowcard, Ataris......OH yeah and electronic like Hellogoodbye and Owlcity.
THE LIST GOES ON AND ON!!!!!!
33. I want summer to be here NOW. That is my time. I live for swimming and being tan and chilling with friends every day. I can't wait for flip flops and shorts and long warm nights that you can stay out and play outside in. And SNOWCONES!! I love the snow shack in orem....they add creme or ice cream to your snow cone. And my favorite is the fuzzy navel.
34. I'm really hungry right now. Why am i writing on this blog instead of eating?????????
35. This summer I am going to learn how to play the guitar. My mom gave me her old one and i've learned how to play chords but i've never actually played anything on it. I just need that for my soul.
36. My parents have been divorced since i was 4. This is not the tragedy that everyone seems to think when I tell people because life actually got alot better for all of us after that. I have the best step parents in the world! how can you argue with having 4 parents?
36. I think about love alot, and what it means to me to love someone, or to love a friend. Love is so important to me and I try not to hide it when I love someone. All my relationships seem to be very INTENSE. LIke the kind of love you see in movies. Its big and its epic and its burning.....and I don't know if its gonna be there tomorrow or not, so I cling to every moment. This kind of love is so angsty, and kind of desperate. Somewhere in my mind I think that love should be more calm and constant; built over time out of mutual respect and not formed solely out of passion and raw emotion. Deep down I believe this is the reason that im not married....because i've never experienced this kind of love. I'm not even sure If I know how to love like this. maybe one day.......
37. I am impulsive! Most of the best decisions I have ever made where made in a split second on a whim. I mean I always have a plan but sometimes at the very last second I have a strong strong feeling to change, and so I go with it. I trust my gut and it's never gotten me into trouble yet. That's how I decided to serve a mission too. My poor mom always gets a heart attack from these decisions.
38. I have an attitude. My real friends can embrace that.
39. I need to feel included in a circle of friends, and I try hard to be accepted by people. It is one of my biggest fears that you won't accept me for who I am or that you will think i'm weird. I don't want anyone to actually KNOW that i try though. I try to play it cool.
39. In high school I ran track. I ran the long distance races and I trained for forever to run these. This makes me think Im pretty legit. I like to think that I started to get my ambitious drive from pounding out all those miles every day. However, the real reason I joined was because this boy I loved was running too. :) Convenient.
40. I really really really want to ride in a hot air balloon.
42. I always stay up late. I can't remember the last time I went to sleep before 11.
43. I have a love affair with life. It's up and down. One day i'm madly in love with it and another day i'm just feeling like it's blah. I also have a love affair with my Mac. And Adam Brody.
44. I am a letter writer. That is one of my favorite things to do. My words come out better written than in person.
45. I'm really excited for next month.....Cause its my birthday!!! And of course the festival of colors. If you don't know what that is you should google it, and then you should get out more!
46. I'm singing in a recital this semester. I'm both excited for the challenge and kind of nervous. I haven't done a recital in awhile. Its April 9th at 5:30 if you are interested :)
47. Sometimes I like to walk around the house wearing my favorite hoodie with the hood up. I secretly pretend that i'm a legit balla' or a little blonde bad-a or something. The only reason I think I can get away with this is because I grew up with a ton of black kids and they treated me like I was their own!
48. I hate chocolate milk but i'm addicted to chocolate soy milk. Go figure.
49. One of my VERY favorite things to do is to drive in the car with the windows down with my best friends. And we have to bust out our favorite songs together like its the last time we will ever get to sing them! Something about singing together and driving together just bonds me to people! I have some of my best memories in the car running away with my friends to california, vegas, moab.....! So if you go on a road trip with me, ill probably love you forever.
50. My favorite song all through high school was "A thousand miles" by Vanessa Carlton. Haha I know that's not like some deep song, but I liked it. Now its "Marching Bands of Manhattan" by Death Cab. Or "Hide and Seek" By Imogen Heap.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Holiday.
We have today off. YESSSSSSS. After working all morning and going out to eat to the new Thai place with a great friend of mine for some much needed life talk, Its time for ME time. Granted I still have to finish alot of my chinese homework that i didn't do for friday.....and a random mishmosh of musical assignments. BUT I am claiming this day as my day. Its our only day off from school dang it. So, im makin JEWELRY!
Here's some pictures of past creations.
THis can keep me entertained for HOURS! But tonight Im makin some for ME! All of my jewelry always gets given away or sold. And i love giving away jewelry. All of my family and best friends have pieces of my jewelry. It just makes me so happy that they would wear something that i made for them! I pride myself in that my sister wears tons of my jewelry and she is the PICKIEST girl i know when it comes to fashion. I wanted to start a legit internet shop, but it looks like im going to have to find a much better photographer than myself before that will ever happen. Look at the jewelry, not the photo quality ok. Any volunteers?
Here's some pictures of past creations.
THis can keep me entertained for HOURS! But tonight Im makin some for ME! All of my jewelry always gets given away or sold. And i love giving away jewelry. All of my family and best friends have pieces of my jewelry. It just makes me so happy that they would wear something that i made for them! I pride myself in that my sister wears tons of my jewelry and she is the PICKIEST girl i know when it comes to fashion. I wanted to start a legit internet shop, but it looks like im going to have to find a much better photographer than myself before that will ever happen. Look at the jewelry, not the photo quality ok. Any volunteers?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
CONTRACT SOLD!!!!
Im just so happy that I have to write this! I sold my spring/summer contract today by some sheer miracle. I posted It on BYU and then I just prayed my little heart out and a week ago some girl emails me. And then she came over to look at the place and loved it. But said that she couldn't buy it cause her contract hasn't sold, but her sister could! And today her sister came over and man Im just so excited. She bought it for full price!!!! Im so happy and yet she was a really cool girl, so its kinda sad im not staying. But oh well on to a new and better things in my life. I can just feel it..... This will be the best summer everrrrrr!!!!!! Now I just have to decide where IM going to live........hmmm.
here's one for the biebs.....
So for valentines day i got a little more than a bargained for this year. My little sister lives at liberty square across the street from me. She lives with five little partners in crime and they all met freshman year. And since she came to college she seems to think that she is too cool to hang out with her big sister. You know that too cool for school phase that teenagers have? well thats what my sister is going through right now, and she's 20. Come on little sis? what happened to the times when you looked up to me and thought I was so cool? One time I was an EFY counselor and she was a participant at the same session and she was just so proud and excited that her sister was one of the "cool" counselors. And all of her little friends came up to me with this star struck look. it was so fun.....
Well for valentines day i got the privilege of being invited out with the girls to see Justin Bieber.......with 6 sophomore girls screaming and crying and taking pictures with his cutout that they BROUGHT TO THE MOVIE. Life size beiber next to us. Now i lived at liberty square too......and im not going to admit to how long ago THAT was. But walking from their apartment to the car with them screaming "get it girl! yeah! beibs...im gonna jump on THAT!" and just going NUTS was a weird kind of deijavu/nostalgia for me. I mean i like to have fun and dance and party as much as the next girl, but I realized i was a bit OVERWHELMED by bieber fever. So much screaming. So much beiber. So much 'mean girls'-esque attitude in my face in one night. I mean don't get me wrong, I love the biebs just as much as any girl. Im just a little more contained about it i guess. That doesn't mean im old right???? i like to call it being chill. But at the heart of it all, I was just happy to spend valentines with my sister, and to see her so happy (aka crying over Justin Bieber for 2 hours and singing all the songs!). Ok ok i sang the songs too. And i guess im still hip If i can hang out with 20 year olds and fit in just fine. Of course I appreciated the beibs so much more after that movie......It made me appreciate what a 16 year old musician can offer the world. And how far each of us can go just with some talent and a little persistence. Ive got at least that. So thanks Justin Bieber for Inspiring me. And for giving me an excuse to hang out with my favorite sister. On valentines day there was one less lonely girl :)
Well for valentines day i got the privilege of being invited out with the girls to see Justin Bieber.......with 6 sophomore girls screaming and crying and taking pictures with his cutout that they BROUGHT TO THE MOVIE. Life size beiber next to us. Now i lived at liberty square too......and im not going to admit to how long ago THAT was. But walking from their apartment to the car with them screaming "get it girl! yeah! beibs...im gonna jump on THAT!" and just going NUTS was a weird kind of deijavu/nostalgia for me. I mean i like to have fun and dance and party as much as the next girl, but I realized i was a bit OVERWHELMED by bieber fever. So much screaming. So much beiber. So much 'mean girls'-esque attitude in my face in one night. I mean don't get me wrong, I love the biebs just as much as any girl. Im just a little more contained about it i guess. That doesn't mean im old right???? i like to call it being chill. But at the heart of it all, I was just happy to spend valentines with my sister, and to see her so happy (aka crying over Justin Bieber for 2 hours and singing all the songs!). Ok ok i sang the songs too. And i guess im still hip If i can hang out with 20 year olds and fit in just fine. Of course I appreciated the beibs so much more after that movie......It made me appreciate what a 16 year old musician can offer the world. And how far each of us can go just with some talent and a little persistence. Ive got at least that. So thanks Justin Bieber for Inspiring me. And for giving me an excuse to hang out with my favorite sister. On valentines day there was one less lonely girl :)
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Spring!!!! .....psych
So lately i feel like I am getting punked by the weather just ALL THE TIME! yesterday was a PERFECTLY fine day. That morning I walked to school with my ipod on Owl City, and a little spring in my step. It was spring!!! I swear!!! I was wearin my new skinny jeans too. and It just seemed like nothing could ruin this day. Seriously It was perfect!
My voice lessons went surprising well (despite that ive been infected with cold nast for almost 2 weeks!!) and I was EARLY FOR FORM AND ANALYSIS CLASS! if you know me you know this never happens....im late to everything. And I did my analyzation of Beethoven's Waldstein sonata before class. I got my last project back that I only spent an hour on and expected to fail, but a big fat B+ on it. OH man this mess has got to be connected to the weather. And the rest of the day went just as well up until I went into the MTC to see my missionaries. We worked on the Restoration lesson in chinese and they were in surprisingly good spirits for people that are about to teach a huge lesson in a ridiculously hard language that they had never learned before. And i left feeling like YEAH! things are looking up the world! Warm weather affects my heart somehow. It sinks into me and Im just happier. Then i stepped out the door at around 9pm.....
SNOW.
nasty nasty snow falling everywhere. And I didn't even have my coat. This is not ok. And i hiked to my car with it falling all in my shoes and melting LIKE SNOW DOES. hey snow why you gotta melt all over me all the time???? Do i look like I want you fallin all up in my ride when I open the door to get away from you? Just who do you think you are snow?? You got some kinda nerve thinkin you can just bounce and then pop up into my life unexpected on the fly. A girl has limits here.
Snow,
YOU BEST GET GONE. Its over.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3UjJ4wKLkg
My voice lessons went surprising well (despite that ive been infected with cold nast for almost 2 weeks!!) and I was EARLY FOR FORM AND ANALYSIS CLASS! if you know me you know this never happens....im late to everything. And I did my analyzation of Beethoven's Waldstein sonata before class. I got my last project back that I only spent an hour on and expected to fail, but a big fat B+ on it. OH man this mess has got to be connected to the weather. And the rest of the day went just as well up until I went into the MTC to see my missionaries. We worked on the Restoration lesson in chinese and they were in surprisingly good spirits for people that are about to teach a huge lesson in a ridiculously hard language that they had never learned before. And i left feeling like YEAH! things are looking up the world! Warm weather affects my heart somehow. It sinks into me and Im just happier. Then i stepped out the door at around 9pm.....
SNOW.
nasty nasty snow falling everywhere. And I didn't even have my coat. This is not ok. And i hiked to my car with it falling all in my shoes and melting LIKE SNOW DOES. hey snow why you gotta melt all over me all the time???? Do i look like I want you fallin all up in my ride when I open the door to get away from you? Just who do you think you are snow?? You got some kinda nerve thinkin you can just bounce and then pop up into my life unexpected on the fly. A girl has limits here.
Snow,
YOU BEST GET GONE. Its over.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3UjJ4wKLkg
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Faith
the basis of what we all need in life comes down to this one thing: Faith. Faith that everything will work out. Faith that we can do it. Faith that the sun will rise tomorrow. Faith in ourselves and faith in others. Faith in the gospel. And that faith will drive us forward with a power that comes only from within us, that is sprung from the depths of our soul. Our faith gives us power to change the world if we only believe that it can be changed.
dedicated to a woman i love.....
Dear Lyndsi:
Remember those days when i lived on your couch and nothing else in the world seemed to matter except to keep the good times rollin? And we just soaked it all in as it came.
Here's to all our nights that we stayed up all night and talked till 6 in the morning house sitting. The times that we cried while we told the stories of the past in california, and the times that we laughed till we cried on the way to freedom. I love you cause your the only woman that will wrassle with me on the front lawn.
honey,
i miss you.
come back to me.
Remember those days when i lived on your couch and nothing else in the world seemed to matter except to keep the good times rollin? And we just soaked it all in as it came.
Here's to all our nights that we stayed up all night and talked till 6 in the morning house sitting. The times that we cried while we told the stories of the past in california, and the times that we laughed till we cried on the way to freedom. I love you cause your the only woman that will wrassle with me on the front lawn.
honey,
i miss you.
come back to me.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
This is me
I haven't written on here in awhile....and Im really regretting that right now. Blog writing is such an outlet for me......
SO here's whats up with me.
I am a music teacher.
I am a teacher at the MTC.
I am a president of a club at school.
I am trying to survive classes, and plan my life. and i have no idea where thats even going.
I want to dance....all the time.
i am a slave to my never ending ambitions.
wow all of this was really intriguing. This leads me to my point.
I don't know exactly who i am right now. Im stuck in some kind of limbo between who I was and who I am becoming. And i fight it tooth and nail at both ends. I fight against myself........at what i think i should be, and what i am.
Just read the posts from the beginning of this blog to now!!! The woman I was.....she was ambitious yes. But she was fulfilled. She was free. She was confident in all things. She was STRONG. She was artistic and filled with witty things to say. She was funny. She was romantic. She was racy and bold and beautiful. This person I am now.....is different. And i just can't figure it out.....after bringing God into my life as my best friend, why do i feel so...so insecure?
But then i remember all of the things that i just can't erase. And i wouldn't trade anything for the person that I am today. I don't even care. And the "quiet dignity" in me will wear off, since lets face it thats just not me. But my heart will stand forever changed. And it has nothing to do with anything except that my heart is pure. My mask has been removed. I am raw and in some natural state that exposes my real emotions. And THIS IS ME. Please except me for who i am!!! PLEASE!!!!
I had a dream not too long ago:
I am surrounded by darkness....and i reach out with my hands to feel four walls around me, smooth and cool to the touch, but blocking my immanent escape. The walls come to small corners and the realization comes: i am in some kind of box. I slide my hands down the cold metal, and it combusts with my steaming skin. A collision of interests. My lungs start to burn for air like FIRE, pain that feels red and orange and makes your eyes sear. Everything is red..and the box lashes against me. first my fists, and then my feet and my skull. until the air inside of me starts to merge and swirl with surrounding energy that surmounts into violet and ripping of my center, through my fingertips and toes out into the small dark space......exploding in all directions.
And then I wake up. And i realize the box is social expectation. And i have to get out.
I have to get in the car and just run away....to anywhere. last weekend it was st. george. next weekend maybe cali, or moab, or your house or just SOMEWHERE. I have to roll the windows down and scream the words that someone else wrote to express themselves with my foot on the dash; all in nostalgic celebration of who i really am.
I watch the superbowl on sundays ok.
Sometimes i curse when no one is listening.
Sometimes i'm lonely! not for people in general, but for people that make me feel ALIVE.
I want to be a part of something....something epic. Even if it is epic to only me and one other person.
AND sometimes I even fart really loud when people are sitting just right there and i blame it on someone else! SOMETIMES I JUST DON"T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT my soul. And God. and my fulfillment. and the people that fly with me instead of trying to cage me. I just need another night to feel alive. Just one. Please.
I just have to laugh. dang.
there it is.....my heart splattered everywhere.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Valentines!
I really love writing on this blog. It just seems to help me sort out who I am, what my personality is, whats important to me, and my style. So the thing that is coming up in my mind lately is.....
Valentines day.
Yes....its coming. Im not sure how i feel about it this year. I think I have only had a boyfriend for maybe like 2 valentines of my whole life. And i always still LOVED the holiday whole heartedly. I never even batted an eyelash at being single. And mostly i just really really love holidays. I always have. Ironically, my favorite holiday is Halloween! Oh man i miss that holiday...who can beat dressing up in crazy costumes and dance parties and begging for candy! I think i went trick or treating until I was like 19! And i would still go if someone would go with me :) partly because i can easiliy pass for a 16 yr old.
but thats not the point. VALENTINES day is on monday, and there are no costumes to hide under, and you only get candy if someone gives it to you. And im not sure if i even want anyone to give me any....sheesh. What a confusing holiday!
Usually my mom always sends me a bouquet of flowers....what a great mom! And me and my friends get together go to out and get our favorite girl food, followed by movies or just something to entertain ourselves. well, seeing as most of my best friends are married now, Im not sure how thats gonna go down. But i do know this.....
I have always stood by the claim that valentines day is NOT ONLY for couples. It is for love in general. And i got TONS o that! I love my family, and my friends dearly. I love my fish, and all my stuffed animals. I love flowers and those little hearts that have messages on them. They now have ones that say stuff like "tweet me" and "jump for love". my friend showed me the other day cause she had a box and took a picture of all the funny ones. Its kinds like those hot sauce packets at taco bell....you never know what message you are gonna get! personally i would love it if some guy asked me to marry him with a taco bell hot sauce packet but thats just me. cause i love taco bell. mmmmmh.
newho. I am deciding right now that i am going to celebrate valentines day! I am going to get boxes of those cheap hearts that everyone reads and noone wants to eat. And those little cartoon valentines that you get when you are a kid. And i am going to give away the love in my heart through bat man stickers and fold up messages. Get excited cause its going to be ding dong ditch style. OOOH and i think ill make my friends go to taco bell with me too.
YESSSSS. Best valentines ever.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Summer.....
This blog has been neglected for a LONG time! Im so sorry blog! I will not forsake you any longer! I guess some of my lack of blogging has been out of lack of things to say. Or rather, fear that I have nothing to say that anyone else will want to read. But maybe just maybe I don't have to write anything epic on here for ya'll to like it. Maybe i just need to write about the thoughts and happenings of ME. Emily.
I started this blog I think back in 2008, lower bunk bed below Abbey Christiansen. Every night when I went to sleep in the london center that sits in Notting Hill directly accross from Kensington gardens, I just felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world. And i would look up at the wood of my bunk and see all of the advice from the girls that slept in that bunk before me like "blade or die!" and "eat piggies from Marks and Spencers"......usual london advice. And I just remember everything that that place held for me. I am a person that really loves art. not just LOOKING at it, but CREATING it. That summer i was in a drawing class, a watercolor class, AND a conceptual art class. I will never forget those conceptual art projects.
One time, Joe (thats what we called our professor...he's so cool) gave us each a small plastic jar. He told us to fill the jar with 100 related things throughout the week. And it had to be meaningful to each of us. Some people filled it with 100 rain drops, or 100 threads. I filled mine with 100 colors, and i remember walking around the streets of london picking up pieces of trash in array of colors, as well as painting the inside lid with different colors of nail polish from the local drug store :) When we presented our jars, Joe had us move to outside the London National Gallery, where we stood with our jars outstretched. We created a blog with stickers and stuck them to ourselves so we coudl give them to people as they walked by. But the point is that we were a living art gallery outside the National Gallery. And our blog actually got hits! All of us were so stoked about it, and it just felt glorious to be a part of something so artistic.
I remember random outings with my friends painting by river sides, or sketching in the galleries. And even just the times when we got to create beautiful music for our sunday firesides. I got everyone together and pulled something out of my music stash, and we just had some glorious moments singing Prayer of the Children, Come thou fount, and Defying gravity with voices that still have plenty of soul in them. And i remember those moments and wonder where my passion for music got lost, and what I need to do to reconnect with it.......
London Changed my life so much, in so many ways. And that was why I started this blog. Because of my fulfillment by that place, and those people, at that time. And i wrote on it religiously until I left for Hong Kong. I owe so much to london. My passion for life and all art forms. My decision to go on a mission. My search for happiness and how to be BETTER. And that fulfillment led up to an experience that I could only dream I would have on another continent. And since I've come back, I feel like that part of me just died. The creating part of me was given over to tiredness and fatigue and the "just get through school" mentality. And why do i wonder why i think back to those times and just wonder where the good times went? when i felt like i was my full complete self and nothing could stop me. I know i need to re-find this part of myself. The part that runs through the grass in bare feet. The woman that is not afraid to tell people how she feels, or that she is scared, or express the love in her heart when it is scary. The woman that runs away to different places and writes poems and paints on canvas in the front yard on the grass with the sprinklers on. And all the people that always made me feel so alive when I was with them.....like when we were drivin' down the road in unbridled freedom with the windows down and "Marching Bands of Manhattan" on high.....what happened to them? what happened to me?
I really think there is only one thing that can save me now.
"In the depths of Winter, I finally realized that within me there lay an invincible SUMMER."
--Albert Camus
http://jarart100.blogspot.com/
Saturday, February 5, 2011
THE SECRET
Have you ever heard of this book? "The secret" By Rhonda Byrne? Its a book that I actually heard about for awhile but never bought because it was only in hard back. On my mission I had several investigators ask me about this book, and if it was true. And i couldn't really answer them since i had never read it. i mean its just a BOOK right. How can one flimsy little book hold the secret to life?
Well....this one does ladies and gents!
The secret talks about the secret to live and success in Relationships, health, wealth, etc etc. And it kind of just talks about the laws of attraction in the universe. Basically, if you have positive thoughts, you will attract positive things into your life. If you have negative thoughts, then you will attract negative things. you ATTRACT what you think about most. SO, if you are always scared that you are going to biff the big stair at school and fall on your face in front of that crush of yours, guess what, you are going to do it. Just because it is what your mind is focusing on. So we potentially ATTRACT our fears into our lives! So interesting! And i really believe this to be true because thats why life is always so ironic. If I spend all of my free time thinking about something I DONT want to happen, then it always happens! The person I was always afraid of being companions with on my mission, yup they were always my companion.
OK OK maybe im playing into some hype a little bit. But there seems to be some truth to the power of positive thinking. Just like in the Placebo affect. Sometimes we can make our body sick just because our mind convinces it that it is.
One example goes like this: A man in the book really wanted to find someone to marry, But he could never find anyone to even go out with. So the author of the secret came to his home to interview him. And he had portraits that he had painted everywhere around his house because he was an artist. But all of them were of strange women with their backs toward the painting, kind of looking over their shoulder as a side thought out of the painting. The author told the man "all of these women have their backs to you in the paintings. Why is that?" the painter explained that he just liked the paintings and hung them around the house for his enjoyment. "well, I want you to take them down and paint new ones. In each painting paint three women that are looking straight out of the painting right at you. If you do this, then you will have three dates every week" So the painter did just that and within a couple of months, he was getting more dates with beautiful women than he knew how to handle! All because of his own influence on his own thinking through his paintings. Then the man said "These dates are great, but I want to fall in love" So the author told him to paint it! And he did, and within a few months he met the woman that is now his wife.
Think of what is posted around in your room...are those the kinds of things that you think about alot? Or maybe the paintings on the wall where you grew up? I knew a woman that told me of a painting that used to hang on her mantle in her home. Her children saw it every single day of their childhood. It was a huge painting of a large boat, rocking on a tranquil sea. And she said that every single one of her children went off to join the navy, or live on an island, or work overseas. And she believed this to be due in part to that painting that they saw every day.
Now im kind of getting off topic here. But i DO believe that our thoughts make us who we are. They send signals and invisible airwaives to people. And i think all that the secret really boils down to is......get ready.....Faith. Simple old faith. If we believe good things will happen in our lives, and that everything happens for a reason, It will. If we believe things won't work out, they won't simple as that.
Wow.....
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