The Worst....

In my life time I have felt a various slew of different kinds of emotions, seeing as I am a semi emotional person that needs to talk about her feelings alot. Yes I am that kind of girl, and I think we've all been there. Out of all of these complex emotions such as being extaticly happy, excited, in love, stoked, proud, betrayed, just plain sad, broken hearted, self conscious, scared, distressed, and anxious....to me there is an emotion that is the worst out of all of these....

Missing someone when you have to say goodbye.

I hate this. I usually will avoid it because it rips my heart out. After saying goodbye follows missing the person, and this is an emotion that I have yet to learn how to deal with in a calm mature adult way. Seems like only time takes away the sting of missing someone you really love, because it heals hearts. When i say goodbye my cool composure suddenly melts into a hot emotional mess with tears and the desperate need for me to tell the person how I really feel. I have never experienced someone close to me dying, which is good because of how I would cope, or lack thereof. It varies in degree depending on the person. When I love people I just really love them.

Tomorrow my three elders leave for HK. I'll admit i'm kind of attached to them because they are my very first district and so much of my heart, soul, and prayers have gone into helping them find their passion for the work and for Chinese these past few months. We have a very special bond I feel like, and I have worked so hard to teach them everything I feel like they need to know. We also have lots of good memories laughing about stupid chinese mistakes (like saying God Killed people and the apostles), and tons of spiritual moments. I'm dreading saying goodbye. But I know it is for the best, and I am so proud of them. They are just like little brothers to me. I'm beaming I'm so proud at how much progress they have made from just meandering around awkwardly wondering what to say in a lesson, into becoming great teachers. I'm gonna try not to let them see me tear up when we have to say goodbye tomorrow!