faves

One day i will be like HER. (amazing!) while cleaning out our house and getting ready to move, i discovered the disk of our family photos that were taken last year by a lady trying to get experience in our ward. The most frutstrating thing in europe? i would always see the most breath-taking scenes. I mean, stuff that you only see in movies. And despite my best efforts to capture this with my little dinky 35mm, i could never do the london experience justice. So im saving for THIS! and one day i will travel the world and photograph my favorite places and people so that i can revel in the colors and textures of the corners of the earth.....at least thats the plan :) So i hope when im 'getting experience' i can be as good as melissa. Here are some faves:

time

it is currently 12:45p pm here in Dallas, 11:45a in Provo, and 6:45p in London. 3 Homes: 3 lives. back to life number 2 tomorrow.....

this will be....

this morning on the way to the orthodontist at 7am to get my retainer replaced, me and mom were listening to this. I have to say, i have ALWAYS loved this song....it just never gets old! I turn it on and my foot starts to tap and i cant help but give myself over to the groove! Mom is looking over at me like i am crazy...her 22 year old daughter is dancing at 7am on the way to have mold shoved in her mouth..how could anyone be in such a good mood? ummmm....its a REALLY good song. Its just a classic mix of romance with bootie shakin musical fusion and engery! I always envision this song being played at weddings, with the happy couple smiling and laughing because 'this will be...an everlating love!' maybe its because thats the typical movie scene that usually goes with this tune. So whoever wants to marry me, i really hope that you like natalie cole ;P

22 Year Old Singer seeks husband:

Skills needed include but are not limited to: cooking mac and cheese, cleaning bathroom on a rotation schedule, braiding little girls hair, juggling or other skill used for comic relief, teaching sports lessons, cleaning up dog crap, taking out trash, fixing automobiles and broken stuff around the house, killer dance moves, mending broken hearts and wiping away tears. experience with finances a plus. MUST GROOVE TO NATALIE COLE. will receive compensation in the form of sweet sweet lovin and lots of TLC. send resume to......

hahahaha..if only :)

anniversary

Just want to remind everyone, that tomorrow is the anniversary of the cheesecake factory! they will be giving out cheesecake for only $1.50 a slice at the dine in section of the restaurant all day!!!! me and mom are going for sure. Fish would totally be coming if she wasn't in wonderful nauvoo....lucky! Oh well, its better this way. i wont have to feel guilty when i delve into my delicious slice of tuxedo mousse without her :)

Sprinkles!

Today me and mom went here, the channel of individually wrapped frosted desserts. Walking into the quaint but posh boutique, i reveled in the scene of creatively decorated treats, amidst mini versions made just so your dog can enjoy the experience with you! There are only 5 in existence...Dallas, Beverly Hills, Newport, Phoenix, and now San Palo-alto. A year ago only the first 3 graced our presence, and there is an entire list of future sprinkes to come, INCLUDING london :) :) :) Now, these are no ordinary cupcakes. A friend once told me that he and this girl were driving through California, and she begged him to drive an hour out of the way so that she could go. Being a guy, he obviously didn't get how amazing these are. These delicacies weigh in at a pretty big hit of $3.25 each, and are worth every penny! The dark chocolate are my favorite, and the red velvet are the most popular! its like a little piece of heaven in a neatly wrapped package. I have one in the freezer right now awaiting the trip back to Utah so my friend can taste what he missed out on. :)

Walmart love connection

Ok so i already mentioned the Counselor Wal-mart love connection....and that is not even a joke. Every Saturday night before a TX EFY, all of the counselors head to walmart to rope up last minute supplies for the week, in hopes of making a lasting connection with that special someone. Some people even find their sweetie on this fore-ordained night on the cereal isle and decide to marry them like 2 weeks later! Some people simply plant the seeds so that love can blossom throughout the week next to the frozen peas. Whatever the case may be, the night always proves to be interesting.

Then, within a day, hungry bears set out to capture their prey. Love blooms amidst 900 hyper active adolescents incessant cheering, insubordination, and peacing out through the windows in the middle of the night. (story for another post lol) Young adults in green shirts can be spotted flirting at lunch, hand swiping at dances, and sending coded messages by means of 16 year old unsuspecteds.

So the real question...is it romance? Is it real, or is it the byproduct of the most spiritual intensive bootcamp that exists within the bounds of the church? Can these romances withstand the hypothetical tomatoes of the outside world? Is EFY a real representation of how people act in a relationship?? Each week, the counselors seem to be in an uproar because jimmy professed his undying love for jane last week, but jane has feelings for Dave. And prudence came all the way from timbucktoo to try to make the walmart love connection with jimmy, who talked to her for a WHOLE week on text before EFY, but now wont even look her square in the eye because of his scruples with jane. Dave likes ashley, who is torn between him and jeff. WOW...too much drama for one job. And that is just the beginning.

My opinion...none of this should even be happening. How is EFY different from any other job? We get paid to teach, supervise, and develop a spiritually nourishing environment. But yet all anyone seems to be able to think about is getting some? ??! What has happened to work ethic, and sexual harassment, and responsibility? WHY DOES NO ONE DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!! When the kids start noticing enough to ask me questions about my love interests within my job, something is really wrong. And i will admit that i, yes even i, am guilty of the counselor walmart love connection. But this program needs to be strictly about the kids. Its cool that single people can meet, bu t take care of it outside of the program!! The romantic tension became so thick at times that it impaired my ability to focus, if you catch my drift. So i will make a humble plea....STOP HOOKING UP AT EFY LONG ENOUGH TO NOTICE THAT YOUR KIDS EXIST. thanks(Co-counselors! no walmart connection here...just genuine awesome-ness)

let it be

"And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, ..... "

i have to let it be,. let it just be what it is, which is really nothing. a bridge torn down to nothing-ness voluntarily. but bridges help us get to new places that weren't possible before. i wish you knew how much i really cared.

violated

Have you ever gotten the feeling that someone is watching you? i have...felt like eyes are boring like screw drivers into the back of your skull, only to look around and no one is there? I had this experience the other morning getting out of the shower. I could have sworn someone should have been there, pressing hot coals on to my back. But after scoping out the scene of my connecting room, under the bed, behind the closet doors, and outside on the 2nd story balcony, i was completely and utterly alone. I know i know it sounds paranoid! but ya know when you are watching those scary movies where the girl gets a creepy feeling, and ALWAYS ignores it, despite the screams from the watchers who know that the killer is crouching behind the open door. Talk about foreshadowing.

2pm message

"Emily Masterson, this is Pam from Wells Fargo. We have reason to think that there have been fraudulent charges made to your visa account. Please call us back as soon as possible."

Hmm...OK? I have the card...this must be a mistake. So i call....

"Emily have you recently been in Houston"
"No..i...i dont think so"

"What about Pearland?"

"Definitely not. Oh my gosh, what happened?"

In one day, $1,100 was charged to my visa credit card! I hopped online to check out the charges, which were all made in $100 to $150 increments within the same day, between 2 cities. All at scummy gas stations. Soooo how does this happen when you still have your credit card??? I guess professional criminals can steal your credit card swipe, and make another card that will have their name on it, with your bank information. It can happen anywhere, and doesn't help if you are blonde and naive. Luckily, i have fraud protection. But i still feel violated.

occurrence

I love EFY! and being a counselor is no mundane occurrence. but its not about all of the cheering and games/sporadic energy/COWs...but about WAY way more t han that. Its an occurrence for adolescents and counselors alike to bridge the generation gap and grow together in worship and faith in Christ. The world's best kept secret? The counselors learn more than the kids do. Im so lucky for the chance. my youth...AMAZING! they make me so thankful for miley cyrus, earplugs, journaling, ipod touch, bsb, beach boys, empty pen boxes, counselor walmart-love connections, random occurrences, pizza, daxflame, and LOVE. what a great occurrence :)

numb

"Not all of us have equal talent, but each of us should have an equal opportunity to develop our talents." -JFK

Ive been thinking alot being here at EFY with fish, and i have decided that i am so lucky. Lucky to have the gospel and to have such a great life, blessed with such great people in it. When i look at the world i see one thing: its numb. The blood that once pumped with life through their veins has come to a steady trickle; just enough to keep them alive. their faces are blank and emotionless; often confused with the statues of yesteryear that have been placed and forgotten in various parts of the world. Once they were important; once they had purpose; once they were people. Now they are numb.

I too have been numb at times...the kind where you soak your heart in icy cold water to keep it from feeling more pain, which results in it not feeling any thing. but its really never worth it. Why trade an icy cold life for one that burns with passion, or aches with longing. "is it enough to die? is it enough to breathe? somebody rip my heart out, and leave me here to bleed..."

With my EFy kids this week, i am trying to explore this concept of being numb because i can see it in some of the kids. And there are so many hard things that are happening to kids t hese days, that i want them to be able to feel again! to feel joy and love and grief and pain and LIFE! the moments that ive scraped my kness are so worth it because they get me through to the moments that i felt like i was invincible! or so alive. In musical program the kids get to share their talents and express their feelings through song, and i love it! music is self expression, just like sin is pain. I hope this week i can give them a little more feeling, while giving the equal chance to develop their talents.

2 places at once

LOOK! i am standing in 2 places at once! welcome to the division of the eastern and western hemispheres my friends. (Its in Greenwich England btw). But i wish it really wasnt as fictional as it looks...i really am standing in two places at once; stuck between two worlds. Lately i feel like my youth and my adult life are dueling to the death to see how many times i can turn 21. Let me face it: i dont want to grow up. My fear of getting older seems to always be looming over me like the monster that comes out from under the bed at night. If im not careful enough, this dementor-esk demon might visit me in my sleep to suck the life out of me, and ill wake up with a cane, forehead wrinkles, and and a pair of wire framed glasses with hearing aids to match.

ok ok ill be honest...i wish i could just freeze myself in time because growing up is so scary. Graduating from college, getting a real job, getting married and making a real life with someone: all are variables of X that still need to be filled in. Then there is acting responsible and serious...which there is really nothing that i hate more. Now dont get me wrong, i can be responsible and serious when i need to be. But who made the rule that adults cannot have fun anymore? That once you get older, cant you still have a little glamour in your life, and take a few risks? i need to be free to be silly me...and that has nothing to do with the number of candles on my cake.

The other night some friends/future roomies and i were commenting on how we used to regard girls our age as the "older girls"...said in condescending voice...and now 18 year olds are calling US that. they are even dating the boys that are our age! how does this happen? well here it is... I WILL NOT BE BEAT OUT BY THE 90'S! IVE STILL GOT GAME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. take that.

these days

so these days, nothing is really the same with me. My mind is all different and re-arranged as if i cleaned out all the knick knacks in the closet and set them on different shelves. When i see a shooting star, i think of alarm clocks, and dancing, and waking up in the middle of the night for lack of ear plugs. The sound of 2 pairs of shoes rhythmically hitting the beautiful pavement, or the shiny objects on B.W. jumping for joy with me as i revel in the presence of a truly unique human being. I miss the swirling colors and the hidden food items that look good enough to eat. I drew artistic inspiration once from this form of concentrated positivity that keeps me up every night with constant squeaking and an apple that glows. my memories swirl in a breeze of lime green and yellow of times when i could never be tainted by even the hint of a frown. yet busy-ness is the downfall that has made my days slightly greyer than before. I have been so lucky to have known you.

abby road and going right

Currently Listening to: Across the universe Soundtrack, and 7 things i hate about you by Miley Cyrus.

If you havent seen Across the Universe, it is a movie based around the hits of the beatles, and follows the characters through war time in the united states. The music is awesome, and the plot is good too. I honestly like the remakes of "hold your hand" and "hey jude" better than the originals! Ive never really been a beatles fan though just from lack of listening to them. So i didnt make time to go see abbey road in London, but i did see some of the original written songs in the British library! Some friends and i made our own abby road instead...thats abby on the bottom incase you weren't sure :)

Now i know it seems really cliche to listen to miley, but this song has lyrics that i can kind of relate to. I found it on fish's ipod (she has all the good stuff on her pod that im too poor to buy because lets face it, i spent all my money on european chocolate).

I probably shouldn't say this But at times I get so scared

When I think about the previous Relationship we shared

It was awesome but we lost it, It's not possible for me not to care

And now we're standing in the rain But nothing's ever gonna change

until you hear My dear

The seven things I hate about you

You're vain, your games, You're insecure

You love me, you like her

You make me laugh:You make me cry

I don't know which side to buy

Your friends they're jerks

When you act like them Just know it hurts

I wanna be with the one I know

And the seventh thing I hate the most that you do

You make me love you

This song was practically written for me and wall-e. He actually text me today....he's decided to work next week too....hmm. he's the kind of person that you want in your life, but you really dont. that can make you think blue is red and up is down, and that you want to go left when you REALLY want to go right, all in a normal days work. This kid can literally make me love him against my own will and good judgement. The song says it all really....and we will be working side by side all next week. Ill make sure to keep my eyes shut tight so ill remember to go right....

burning the 2 o clock oil

So today on fish's ipod i heard a song by reliant k, and the main lyrics were, " im just trying to be my best self for you" or something to that extent. And as i think about this song, which seems very sweet, i wonder, why do we need someone to come along and light an eternal flame in us that makes us want to be better? Why can we not find value in ourselves alone? why dont we want to be better just for US. I will admit, i do live in provo which is a vortex of pressure to give up our independence early all for the sake of eternal love. But why doesnt anyone still believe that we have value as a single unit, not only as a couple. I am a human being that beathes and feels; loves, cries, laughs, thinks, comes up with original ideas, and wants to be accepted by others. NO i am not married; nor will i be until mr right comes along for real. but until then, i will feel good about myself going it solo. and i will be the best person i can be only for myself. Because being the best version of myself makes me feel happy and proud. I think that other people can greatly add to my happiness though, and that some people can come along and help us to realize that we have good in us that we didnt even know was there before, and help us to access it. That really is the beauty of life.


I know i have pleanty of people like this in my life: friends and romantic interests alike. While i was in london, i made so many friends with just genuinely real people. I love and miss all of you. Thank you so much for all of the laughs and tears; the ephifanies and the lightbulb moments. Thank you for making me think and helping me to see the good in all people, the colors of my life, and the joy found in unknown corners of the world. All of you together changed my life!

I really am still so sad about leaving london because of the eye opening experience that it was. But im feeling now that i need to let it go...to mourn its existance in a way. i do that sometimes...mourn people/things that are no longer a large part of my life in order to give myself a sort of closure. So here is to london and the mourning of it and all the poeple it made me temporarily close to. I will always be wondering what each of you remarkable women are doing every night with your remarkable lives, since i no longer get the pleasure of seeing you each and every day.

good memories

staying connected

Do you ever think about how people are inter connected? Lately i have been realizing more and more how we affect others lives just by existing, and how we can be tied to another person in the most discreet ways. I recently went to San Diego California to visit a friend that i met at BYU because he was in the FHE group of my best friend freshman year. My best friend and i met because we were both dumped by the same boy our freshman year, and decided that we liked being friends with each other more than being this kids girl friend. I met the boy because he was the best friend of a guy in my summer 2004 ward who ended up being the boyfriend of the girl that lived next door to me in helaman halls that summer, who also became a very good friend, and will be living with me next year! Whew....that was long. Anyways, while at church in san diego, i was talking with the sister missionaries at the YSA, and one of them happened to be the old roomate from idaho of a friend who is serving in Spain right now! Small world!



Anyone ever heard of the game 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon? Well i guess Kevin Bacon is a big shot in the movie business, and claims that any famous person can be connected back to him in 6 links or less! Ive never tried it, b ut i can honestly say that i am connected to Martha stewart in only 2! not that anyone cares...lol.

Jar(t)

WELCOME TO MY BRAIN: imagine this: 20-something people standing outside of Britain's national gallery holding out tiny 1X1 size jars which each contain 100 different items for the public to see. Sweat is dripping off our faces as curious passers-by approach us, cautious not to get too close, as they scrunch their foreheads at the sight of silent statue-esk BYU students with outstretched jars. A woman approaches me-"What is this?" i silently give her a sticker that is peeling off of my shirt from the heat and humidity. not to worry, i have about 10 more stuck to my clothing and arms, ready to transfer to the first person that shows interest.
But how to answer her questions...what is this? what am i doing holding a jar of randomly collected stuff ? and most importantly, how do i explain how this jar has changed my life?

By first definitions, i would describe myself as a woman, a member of the LDS church, a musician, a leader. I would not think myself an artist. Never have i considered crafting cheap jewelry and scrapbooking as art. Nor would i ever have taken trash collecting or writing poems based on the hear-say words of others as artistic talent. The thought of "conceptual art" would have made me laugh 6 months ago....what a joke? Now i am so different. While studying art in london, my whole life was transformed into one on-going art project. And i loved it-thrived in it. My eyes have been opened to the beauty and color and magnificence of every moment of my existence. That small jar of 100 colors is the most significant thing i brought back from the UK (with my galaxy bars coming in at a close second :) because i noticed all of the vibrance of a city that has been set in stone from its history, and i brought back a small but significant piece of it through what others would consider 'trash'. Each piece in the jar also holds memories of laughter, friends, fun, and life learning. Its not what you do that necessary makes your life great: its who you share it with. I have shared the moments of london with 59 other remarkable people who have taught me to love people for who they really are, and to understand others that are essentially different from us. They have taught me that life is a beautiful gift, no matter what might not be going my way. I forever more have made a pact to myself to STOP over crowding my life and packing it full of mindless things, leaving me with no time to enjoy and thrive within my existance.