movin' on (it's long, just so ya know)

Today is an interesting day.

Why you might ask? Well. Today I finally woke up and faced the fact that my life is different. If you know me, you know that I don't struggle with a change in scenery. I can't remember the last time I lived in one place for a full year. I love to travel. And I love to make new friends. I often find ways to be in a new place just so I can have a fresh start with a new perspective.

3 weeks ago I was living in Provo, living my usual provo life. I had a job working for an international college recruitment company. I made 35 phone calls a day to set up appointments with the VP's of recruitment with our sales guys. Talk about tedious. I graduated college back in April only to find that music teaching jobs in Utah are very very hard to come by, especially when 13 people graduated in Music Ed this year just from BYU alone. So I accepted the fact that I wouldn't be teaching this year, and found another job.....making phone calls. yay haha.

But for almost a year there has been this inner struggle in me, pushing me away from Utah. Since January I have had this rumble in my heart like big change was coming. I knew Utah wouldn't be my place for too terribly much longer. This part I was ok with. But bigger than that, I knew that the people in my life that i've been closest to for awhile, would not be so close. And here is where my struggles come. I really struggle to say goodbye. Always have, always will. So much that God had to start in JANURARY preparing my heart to say goodbye to certain people.

3 weeks ago I sat in my room missing work due to being sick. And one day I woke up and I realized that I had no idea what I was doing with my life. I realized that my housing contract was up in less than 3 weeks and I had no place to live. I realized that was not fulfilled with my job. And I knew that I couldn't stay in Provo. I couldn't sign a lease anywhere permenant. I wanted to teach or work with kids but I wasn't doing it! Urgh. Talk about a serious freak out.

And the product of that freak out was a music teaching job that happend to fall into my lap in Irving, TX. My hometown. It was so coincidental that this job would find me, that I knew it was meant to be. And I just packed up everthing, and my mom and I drove the 2 day trek back to Texas. With all of my crap packed up in trash bags and shoe boxes in the back of my car. There's something liberating about having everything you own in the back seat.

All of this has been kind of a whirlwind, and I feel so good about it. But today I almost cracked. Out of all of the people I have had to say goodbye to, a few of them have literally almost broken my heart. And I guess that's why i'm writing.

Today my sister left to go back home. Her and Alex both live(d) with me in Provo, and Laura had planned to come here for the 2 week break for a visit since before we knew that I would be moving back. Since Christmas I've been making a legit effort to see Laura more and spend more time with her. Sisters do as sisters should! And we've had some awesome moments together. She honestly has been there for me when no one else was. And it was soo good to come home to Texas with her here. But today she left for the airport, and both of us were struggling to keep it together. I'll admit i'm really sad that I won't live in the same town as her anymore, and that I can't see her whenever I want. I regret not taking advantage of that as much as I could in the beginning. But i'm so glad i've gotten to spend so muhc time with her. And for any of you that have a sister, you know how priceless that relationship can be. She is the best sister in the entire world and I know that I will always have her in my life. It's just hard to see people you love so much go!!

Among ALL of the other people that I have had to say goodbye to in the last 2 weeks (which are SO many...ugh I hate goodbyes lol), there is one other person that was one of the hardest to say bye to. She's my sister too. A sister in my heart. My best friend Emileigh has been there for me through almost everything for the past 2 years. We met in a random club at school that both of us hated being in, and became best friends dispite ridiculous odds. In a normal world, two people as different as us wouldn't even have any business being friends. But this girl is not like anyone else that I have known. She is someone who understands me, and has been there for me through happy and dark times. I have so many priceless and hilarious memories with her that I could never ever give up!! She is an unspeakable example of inginuity, loyalty, patience, talent, integrity, and individuality. Emileigh is someone that has the ability to make people feel special, and I've always felt like i'm the luckiest girl in the world that she would pick me to be her best friend. The night I had to say goodbye to her was really hard. It was one of those moments that you kind of have to let your heart hybernate so that it doesn't break. But my heart had been preparing since Januray (I'm ridiculous I know!) Just because it's hard to imagine my life without her in it. But one of the things she has taught me is that life changes, and we have to progress with it. There is no stopping the natural progression of life and our relationships. But I know that even though I can't see her all the time, which sucks to be honest lol, she will always be my very best friend. And she knows how much I love her.

Laura, Me, and Em at Huntington Beach, CA 

So today is the day that I have to straighten up that bottom lip and look forward to the future. I'm excited for everything that my life holds this year, and for the new people that i'm going to meet. Here's to a great year. I'm moving on.