10/30/08 in the London Book:
I am thankful. I am alive. I love the color of my life: Piercing orange that fades into a mist. That is the aura of my intensity. For i am like the rising sun. Awake from my frost. Under ice-i claw at the placid surface that encases me. No marks, except my fingernails are bloody. The cries from my burning lungs are shot backward with the fire of fear. I am alive, just giving my cells over to the wild. They rub together all at once-a collaborative effort from my crystalizing body-protecting itself. They are moving, holding, running, jumping for their freedom. DNA awaking from its natural placidity to rebirth the soul. My atoms repel the space of water. Collective friction in my fingers and then the sunrise braking from my womb, the center of my indifference. And summers day is met with melting hearts-beneath the ice that fades to nothing like the fleeting tick of time. And i arise without fear on my bare skin-my glow separating me from the monster. my orange has begun.

Im Listening

This life is full, but not so much on the eventful side these days. Whatev, im fine with it. Im making a point here....i am SICK of talking about myself. I feel like people talk to me, they ask me alot of questions. They fuss over me and worry for me. Im not really treated like a normal person anymore....people see me as different. I can see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices. I dont want to be breakable or worshiped or just anything besides myself. So this post is me reaching out to you.....tell me about your life! Just anything....send it to me in a text or a facebook or as a comment to this message. Cause i always want to know. What are you doing right now? What are you listening to? What do you hope for in the near future? What do you love? Tell me what you are reading, or surfing or just one of the biggest things that interests you right now? You dont even have to tell me if you dont want....just send it to me with your mind....im listening.

Thank you for not giving up on my blog! You are reading this: and therefore i know that i still exist. I have not disappeared into oblivion. I feel so much these days, and yet sometimes i just push it into the closet of my mind and focus on right now. I forget that i am going on a mission or that i am burning so fiercely that few people can hold me in their hands.....and i just resume being me. Emily Masterson. I love this blog.....it is my outlet. It is my time capsule! i will come back from my chinese life and dig up this piece of me, the piece that is left here out in cyber world, cherished by you, those that i love. So many things are happeneing right now. A black man rules america! Gas is a mere 1.87.....not quite what it was when i first started driving. I filled up pookie my carolla then for only $14....yeah im getting older lol. My fingernails are painted black in symbolic rebellion, the last ounce i have in me. My hair is beautiful brown....the color that frees me from my indifference of life, and my urges to wear the mask that makes me the elusive blonde girl that always runs away and tries to seem perfect. More real. I no longer hide behind security for a sense of self. I wear my soul jewelry....tons of it. Bracelets from the osh and native america and my grandmother. I just came back from seeing her....i see myself. The fireball in ballin outfits with matching earrings and eyes that are fiercely peaceful and piercing at the same time. This woman could change the world. On my finger i wear a cross, the symbol of my lifelong journey to god. I scavange for the music on this blog. Each of these songs are important to me, and tell the collective story of my life. Listen to them; listen to the words and give yourself over to the music. let it flow through you. I speak to young women, i speak in church, i bear my testimony; i am now viewed as the expert on all things religious lol. I am a missionary! I teach my personal rules for life.
#1: Be fearless. Always be fearless
#2: DONT BE STUPID
#3: Heal; dont hurt. Undo the knots that others have tied.
#4: Send love to the Universe: Everywhere. To the trees, to the trashcans. the animals and the souls of the earth.

I love my music note jacket and sweat pants and journ and just ALL things music. I fight with my heart for the people i hvae loved, and those that i still do. I wish at 11:11! I wear my favorite snowflake leggings and pensecola florida tank top, and anticipate when i wont be able to wear these things anymore. I eat ice cream everyday! Cherry garcia, new york chocolate chunk, rocky road....just everything. I reach for my fishy and just worry for her and wish for her while i am gone. I wonder what she will look like on her graduation day, or her first day of college, on her eventual wedding day. I cry at the thought of missing any of these things....all in the name of china. I drive in my car with the windows down and the heat on blast. I sing in my hairbrush and drum on my dash....i let myself feel that i am alive! And i wonder at the moments that i know im not alone. I read i eat i pray i love. All of you are in my time capsule....ill remember you.

OK something weird about me.....i LOVE stuffed animals. Its totally crazy and i have NO idea why. I thought it was just kind of a recent college thing....ya know....there is nothing wrong with wantin something to snuggle with at night! But lookin back on some old photos not too long ago, i realized that this obsession has been occuring for awhile. The little ones are the best. Like Moo....and if you dont know who moo is, i have no idea why you are reading this blog. Moo is just near and dear to my heart. I bought him for my best friend Maretta 4 years ago for her birthday, and he stowed away EVERYWHERE! Eventually She didnt really want him any more and traded him for some of my CDs....what a traitor! But JK because lets face it, we are all in our 20s and its just not normal to run around with stuffed cows in tow. Im not really that normal though so whatev. My friends just love me for who i am. Kinda unrelated but there is this movie called "Big bird goes to CHINA!" It involves Big bird and a chinese dragon and an ancient voo doo lake of glass or something....and a secret message that must be discovered...>OoOoOoOh! Its one of my childhood faves. Me and mom went to the library huntin for it the other day, but to no avail. So we ordered it off amazon....woot. In my mind, moo is about to be the next star in this blockbuster hit. "MOO goes to CHINA!" i just LOVE It. Oh and yes he is going to china....you best believe. hes already been to joseph smiths grave, italy, california, and stonehenge. China is just the next best place for him. See moo is just a nomad....he cant really help where he wants to graze can he?