Today: i feel her trying to stab her way out from the dank and dismal prison of her holding.The MONSTER. She was placed there, long ago. She is weak from want of power, but still exists. Days like this, she gains stregnth in her sagging muscles as she is one with ice. Her cold fingers pry at the steel bars, pulling them apart one-at-a-time. its almost too late as i notice the steely needle in my arm with resistance. I write about her as i lie, letting her give way to her ransoms and demands. She is angry, and hateful. At the fakeness of parts of our existence that we still do not know. She is gleeful that he is gone. I hope that this treaty will give her substance to subside. but today she is hungry, with bloodshot eyes that pierce me. My body tenses on the walk home through the soft pat of the rain. All of my strength is centered around that cell, pushing her down by her matted hair, with a horrifically twisted smile on her face. In the rain i am helpless and alone, yet i will not let her overcome. She is too late for the man that fooled us....she knows this. She will not come for the boy that knows i and not her. No one can EVER know her. I am on a lush green field as i feel her finger nails scraping my esophagus, burning me from the inside up. I cannot even feel the natural love in my heart; it is mangled by the brimstone searing up through my mouth. It brings water to my eyes and i squint to see. I try to focus on the flying discus and him; but all i can hear are screams and feel the beginnings of combustion beneath my skin. She is rage. She is fire. She is NOT ME. With my teeth gritted and sweat on my brow, i shove her down from whence she came. I wrap invisable duct tape to her rancid face and hands, and clear my head in a means of emptyness. I let myself try to feel the truth...my love and devotion for you. Yet you are indifferent towards me. Her new emotions rear up within me, fighting towards the surface. FEAR and FLIGHT. This is not me, not my natural self. I pick at the grass trying to regain my center. I will not fear H.E.R. i will not fear him. i will not fear.