quad cruisers

OH hey another post!

I live at a place called Santa Barbara, the complex not the city in California. Now, just to let you get an idea of what this place is like, everyone loves to hang out. There is a grassy place in the middle of our complex called 'the quad'. People like to hang out in there and chat, flirt even if you will, but never make a move because they don't have the........somethings. people here also love to be spastic and spontaneous on purpose, just to make themselves feel youthful. But, planned spontaneity,.....well.....doesn't that defeat the purpose? You catch my drift. There are many people that I like to call "quad cruisers". They hang out in the quad, thinking themselves very 'bad a' and even hipster like. Some of them don't even live here. And I'll have to admit, I think they are pretty cool too, whether it out of admiration or out of jealously or possible disdain, i'm still not sure. But quad crusing status is something that I have yet to embark on, out of personal preference. However, tonight around 11:30 I was on my couch minding my own business and I heard voices....many many voices coming from said quad area. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my couch to see what was the matter. Away to the quad I flew like a flash, tore through the bushes, and arrived at the bash. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a million and one people ive never seen before playing rootbeer pong. And as soon as I got out there, It felt like I was in some new hipster land. There were tables everywhere and guys and girls flirtin' it up and the people from our ward were huddled around in a little corner taking cover from the ruckas. We were invaded by the r. beer pong brigade. And it felt like one of those parties you go to where all the hotties are out and on the prowl for other.....hotties. and the point of the party is to look cool and be young, not really to play ping pong obviously. And when I was out there kinda fenagling around and seeing what was going on, I realized that I was over it. I'm over pretending to be some wanna be hipster and having to be involved in everything for fear of not being accepted. I'm over wearing skanky clothes and fawning over certain boys that get all the attention. I'm sick of having to try so hard to fit in to stupid things like this quad cruiser scene that are so pointless/not at all meaningful to my life! And i realized that its ok that i'm busy and actually have ambitions for my life that don't involve chillin' for hours a day. Its ok that I like to have meaningful conversations instead of talk about TV shows and quote movies all night. Its ok that I don't want to be a quad cruiser and its OK that I am who I am. And it's also ok that quad cruisers are who they are. I feel really good about this realization, and now I need to sleeeeppppppp

oh HI blogging world!

Life lately has been busy as ever! I am past due for some life updates. Well I went to California last week! My first time ever in San Fran!!! I am almost done with this term, and today was my last day EVER glass blowing. My little missionaries just left the MTC last night and I saw a big white bus cart them away towards the airport (tear). They grow up so fast! And I also took a second little gig working at a Chinese immersion school teaching Mandarin to little kids (and not well I might add). All in one day I had to break up ninja karate chop fights, corrale children throwing crayons as deadly projectiles, and calm a crying but speechless little girl who was terrorized by the boys throwing the crayons.....all in my third language. MAN. OH I forgot to mention how I got sick for like a week and had to miss my singing jury at school because my throat hurt so bad and there was so much snot up my nose that It probably could have filled a baby wading pool once all blown out. That sure is a nice visual huh? want to come and swim in my pool of SNOT? Didn't think so. I also infected 6 other people and counting who admire and revere me for sharing with them my priceless germs for sure. Yup.

OK So now i'm just rambling. Want to know why? Mostly because it's been a long day, and now I can't sleep. And sometimes that happens when things are written on that little chalk board on the inside of my head that can't be erased yet. And the inside of my eye balls just keep staring at that chalk board and just won't let it go. But tonight I went into my email and and I saw about 3 emails from Lyndsi Shae that I haven't read yet. If you don't know about her you should because she's my best friend and she's servin a mission in California. And her latest email talked about how its her birthday and Pday so they were playing water games and the Elders dumped a huge barrel of water on her head. Their sign of admiration i'm sure. And how after that all of the missionaries were talking about how their families have no idea what their daily lives are like. And Lyndsi was like "its so true though, this week was so hard; a roller coaster of all roller coasters emotionally" And she didn't even want to talk about it, which is unusual for Lyndsi because she never has a problem expressing herself, or with using too many words. But I could feel the extent and depth of this hard week, and it made me remember those days and those weeks being a missionary pouring my soul out all over the street with no one listening, with nothing else to do but speak about Jesus in a foreign language to people who don't give a crap that you poured out your blood sweat and tears to bring them this message. and eat food that you've never even seem before. And sleep. And then get up and do it all over again. And I remembered the days where I felt like I was doing it all by myself and it was HARD. And I know God was carrying me but sometimes it was so hard to feel, even though if he wasn't, I couldn't have done it at all. When I remember those times, those days, I realize I am ridiculous for thinking that my day was hard today. I did nothing hard today. I tanned at the park, ate tacos with my friends, and cleaned my room. Shame on me for thinking my life is hard. I went back to my old mission account and started reading some of my sent emails and I remembered exactly how hard it was. And so beautifully great at the same time. And I remembered where my strength came from. My patience and my virtue and my faith. I remembered them in a time of need in my life and I am thankful for EVERYTHING that I have. I am thankful that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I am thankful for my best friends, esp Lyndsi Shae that showed me this right when I needed it. Funny how best friends do that. They help you when they don't even know they are doing it. Please read this woman's perfectly written words. Her optimism, wit, and wisdom will change you.

Thought of You - by Ryan Woodward

Sorry I've been neglecting this blog so bad! But here's a novel idea....lately I am just so fulfilled by REAL life but I don't have alot of time or even motivation to post as much. And i think that is a good thing for my life. But I found this....its art created by google doodle, and I love this song and I think its pretty sweet to watch.....so enjoy!

The potion of despair

Hello fans! I'm very sorry to end my hiatus from blogging with this post, but its really all that I can think about right now...

You see those three cute little guys? HELL IN A BOTTLE. Here's a little story for ya. When you go to the doctor with certain abdominal pains, and they don't know what else to fix, you get to drink this and spend all day on the couch cursing the doctor, cruising face book and online shopping while the rest of the world leads normal, healthy, PRODUCTIVE lives. These three are NOT your friends people. Their cute friendly demeanor is deceiving to say the least. They are the enemy. I only drank one and a half so far and I have to drink the other one and a half in aprox. 2 minutes and I AM STALLING. This is what drinking this mess is like.....please click the link.

http://youtu.be/0nVQPwH2m4s

Scary? Yup it sure is. These three deadly poisons also prevent me from eating or drinking anything that is not clear. Ya know, drinking deadly potion kind of makes me just like Dumbledore. Yes I am that legit. And while we are on Harry Potter-isms, Maybe this potion will make me look like someone else, or make me have the most bestest most invincible day EVER! That's what I should think while i'm drinking it huh? Or maybe I should just not drink it and say i did? That sounds like a good idea. If it seems like I'm going crazy, oh its because I AM. I drank the first batch right before school and it made me so nuts my best friend had to come and pick me up. I also had to walk at about the speed of a snail for fear of losing said magic potions all over the side walk. TMI??? Well then WHY ARE YOU READING THIS???????? Ok I think i've written enough. Just pray for me ok? Thanks guys.

LOVE!

I am on the ground.

Today is the first day of May, and it snowed yesterday! Want to know what's up with my life? well lots of things honestly. I just moved to a new place......a much safer place. I'm pretty happy about that. Not safer for my body or well being. Safer for my soul. I am taking a glass blowing class! Sometimes I am not very productive, and I keep telling myself that that's OK. You want to hear some stories and see some pictures from my life don't you? Well today's post isn't for that-sorry. Today I want to talk about a poem. Did you know that April was national poem month? (Or something like that :) I'm not much of a writer, and don't claim to be. But I am an artist of sorts, and I believe that my art is motivated by my emotions, my love, and my heart. And do you ever wonder why you love the people that you do? Do you think that your heart could possibly even be programmed to love certain people? Like maybe the love of your life, your best friends, your children: that love was planned out for you before you even came here. And when you meet those people, you literally cannot help it. You MUST love them. It's ingrained in your soul and heart and DNA down to your fingerprints. Your heart beats for them and it feels deeper and fuller. Sometimes my heart feels just blah around people-maybe even a little numb. Then my best friends (or a special someone) comes around, and I FEEL. I feel my humanity coming back to me, and I am strangely awake in my own life. And the colors of everything seem to change from grey and offwhite to violent shades of red and orange and blue. And I want to be a better person all of a sudden, or go off and save all of Africa from world hunger or something. I would do anything for these people. Did God make me love them? Or did my heart just choose them? And the Boys I have loved-oh we won't even go there.

This poem was written by my bestie Lyndsi. She's a writer. And It makes me think about relationships/friendships and how beautiful they are because they are so personal between you and only one other person. Its like a treasure only to be understood and treasured by us two. And no one else will ever understand exactly the way that it feels, or how "we converse with what we cannot describe."

I am on the ground.

I am on the ground.

I am always wondering what I need here.

I am always feeling the crest of the wave

up on my tip toes

neck stretched out

heart comes forth

taller

taller

taller.

And then

we come down.

Teal and blue we fall.

We rumble.

We swirl and stretch horizontal.

We show the shore how much we can touch.

We stretch ourselves thin on the inland.

And then

we retract

Back to the center.

Here in the deep, we mix with what you have never seen.

We converse with what we cannot describe

In a language not collectively spoken

but felt.

It feels like this: upward.

It feels like this: around.

It feels like this: movement.

I am here on the ground.

But I am more than what you see.

In my skinny ponytail and bookbag.

I am further.

I am hoping

to be sonorous.

For now, energy, oscillating.

They say through space and time we are oscillating.