hong kong

I got my mission call on friday! To hong kong....yeah thats in CHINA. Just incase you werent sure or anything. No you didnt read that wrong. Wanna know some cool facts about China? Ok good cause you are already reading and im about to tell you.

Reasons why Hong Kong is perfect for my mission:

1. It is coastal...that means there is an ocean and a beach.
2. Its next to glorious mountains and something called a pike that you can hike up.

3. Weather never gets colder than like 50 degrees

4. Chinese people are all about symbolism, peace, serenity, Karma, and self discovery.

5. it used to be ruled by the UK so its pretty westernized.

6. They speak cantonese there, which is a tonal language. that means that its like singing except speaking! and you have to have a really good ear and tonal memory to learn it.

7. The Chinese are a very respectual and docile people for the most part. This is very comforting!

8. My dad calls hong kong "The Gem of China!"

9. Im not attracted to asians...just sayin.

10. Its way cooler than temple square, idaho, or montana... Or just about anywhere else i can think of.

11. It has shock factor! Hey where did all of you serve your missions? Oh ya know...Just Hong Kong. No big deal. (yeah...i win)

12. Asian culture is COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone....challenge? bring it on.

13. God sent me there....he believes in me. So obviously i have inner Asia.

14. It is BEAUTIFUL beyond belief and one of the most technologically advanced places in the world. I will learn so much from so many people!

15. Asians work HARD...just like me. So we will understand each other just fine.

16. I WONT GAIN ANY WEIGHT!!! say goodbye to that sisterly 20lb

17. China just plain rocks. I know you like Mulan, and probably orange chicken. So the next time you feel like cracking a joke about getting out your mat to sleep on, or making 'chinese' noises, think twice. because these are my people. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Thanks.

Asia Day!

Saturday was proclaimed Asia day in honor of my mission call to Hong Kong. I started the day at the lost and found sale, sporting my paper crane earrings that i made. Steph and i found all of this sweet chinese jewelery for like .50c and chinese love sweatshirt! She bought me breakfast at the wilk and we ate these AMAZING homemede cinnamon rolls...ok those arent asian but thats definately OK. I ate sushi on center street with these boys...one had an 'i love ninjas' shirt. Yeah i think they are ready for Asia day. We got like every kind of sushi there! and even egg rolls. Ok fine its not Chinese....baby steps ok. After that i gave plasma....getting money quick sounds like a VERY asian thing to do to me. Followed by sweet and sour pork over a debate over how 5 crazy lookin symbols equal the words 'soy sauce'...i dunno but whatev. it was GOOD. Kung fu Panda was a hit by all in attendance, probably way moreso than normal because of Asia day. And finally i made a quick visit to the Asia store in the Provo mall and found BOO the bonsai.....hes my bamboo tree! I carry him everywhere with me these days cause he makes me feel more at home with China. Later on at the SEGO art festival i met this awesome girl who used to live in hong kong, and grew up in China. She sells all of this awesome jewelry that she made with stuff shes brought back from there. SO cool.

At the end of the night i was drivin to walmart with lynds and brookie, and while im drivin, out of nowhere, this huge nasty leaf bug lands on my car! I tried to get it to blow off by going faster, but lyndsi was like "NO!!! hes probably asian! dont blow him off cause then he'll die!" kind of the point but OK lynds. We named him Spongie-Al. And he probably is asian cause hes a dang survivor. he hung onto that car for DEAR life.

califor-ni-A

BEST THINGS ABOUT THE WEEKEND OF CALIFORNIA:

Drivin in the car with the windows down listenin to dashboard, eatin paradise yogurt, In N out!, the sound of the osh waves crashin while i sleep, swimming with some awesome legit wetshirts, cool beach one dollar jewelry, snuggling in one room on the blow up mattress, sneaking girl scout cookies late at night, soaking up sunshine in a swimsuit that fits pretty dank, sand between my toes and everywhere else, pictures under the pier that remind me of The OC...my fave show :) , rocks on the beach and big ones that you can climb over, reading journals, writing in journals, california men with shaggy hair and surfboards, little mexican kids that run around and speak spanish, break dancers!, african safari that makes me feel exotic and far from home, female rhinos that stick with the gals, giraffs! esp babies, sweet sweet road trip mixes, caffine pills!!!!!!! YEAH all of this rocked. my favorite...is her.

I am opening my mission call tonight at 6:15 outside of the connection! Please come!!! Its the first brick building on the left on the corner of 8 North and 6 East. See you soon

Alright....i have some info. I have a mission call. an ACTUAL mission call. Heathers BF looked it up cause he works at the MTC. So it does exist, i just dont have it yet. i about exploded when she told me this....but luckily she doesnt know where im going. She would not have been able to hold that mess in.....and if she is that strong, im not, and i woulda gotten it out of her. But she does know what CONTINENT that i will be on, and apparently its ballin. Yeah! im on a continent!!!!! And james says that its a sweet sweet mission....a coveted one apparently. Im stoked. When i submitted my papers, my comments section looked a little something like this:

"I am so excited to serve this mission! I would love to go french speaking. I would also enjoy going to France, Brazil, Nauvoo, the southern states, or England. Please do not send me to Idaho. Thank you." When my friend read that she was like, WHAT the heck you got against idaho? You are jinxing yourself em....you are going to go to boise for sure. What was my response??? Number one, im a girl, and i dont have to do this. So if they send me to Idaho, im just going to marry the boy. Number 2, I said please!?

Well, i DO know that its NOT finland (where James served his mission), NOT idaho, and its NOT NOT NOT temple square!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All that alone is enough to make a girl praise Jesus.

"Together can we make our short time on this planet mean something. Only together can we be the stweards of our own destiny. And we hold in our collective hearts one noble goal: to save ourselves; then save the world."

No mission call yet guys. Ill tell you as soon as i know though. I wont forget! i promise :)

Dedicated to my Lyndsi: i sing it like i mean it

We should get jerseys cause we make a good team

But yours would look better than mine cause your out of my league

And I know that it’s so cliche to tell you that everyday

Spent with you is the new best day of my life

Everyone watching us just turns away disgust

This jealousy they can see that we’ve got it going on

And I’m racking my brain for a new improved way

To let you know you’re more to me than what I know how say

Your okay with the way this is going to be

Cause this is going to be, the best thing we’ve ever seen

If anyone could make me a better person, you could

All I gotta say is I must have done something good

You came along one day, and you re-arranged my life

All I gotta say is I must have done something right,

I must have done something right

believe that messsss...we are rockin..

last night at 2am at the gas station i was a country girl-the real girl inside of me. Flowey skirt, bare feet, with a face of pure innocence. I really didnt mean to get that bruise on my neck. but small town girls-we love HARD. we roll in the grass....maybe in the shadows; maybe not. I couldnt tell ya. cause we roll hard too. We run, but in freedom to feel the wind at our back. And we live a life of simplicity-nothing is everything. and everything ill give with just my heart beat and my hand to hold. please hold my hand. take my tiffany bracelet and my purple purfume and just keep on holdin me till our arms hurt, and possibly just fall off. thats a long time....thats the point.

We cannot become who we need to be by continuing to be everything that we are. Pieces of ourselves must be changed, altered; forsaken. and change is hard. But i am still me. I am Emily, the golden haired girl who stands beside you; not in front of or behind you. Hold me in your heart, but let me change. Give me room to grow.

Lately i am restless. Not my soul but my actual brain and body....have a travel itch. I dont want to stay in the same place for too long. In the past 4 months I have been to London, France, Ireland, Scotland, Italy, Texas, Utah, and California. WHEW! Some summer ive had. This past weekend, i went to INDIA :) or the festival of india at least. My lyndsi and i scavaged the gift shop, ate this amazing vegetarian rice stuff, and danced with the krishnas under the stars; the dust rising up beneath our feet. They praise Rama and Krishna, and do alot of soul talkin about Karma and the inner essence, and peace and serenity. If i wasnt morm and didnt have the truth, this would be a tempting life :)

i am the dust underneath your feat, and the laugh in your memory. I am everywhere. In the snow and the leaves. Within each room and in the grass. My tears still lie in the earth next to the bench where i decided to change my life. My imprints are stone in the ground where i have rolled. My shadow walks the pavement at night, glowing in the wind. It is almost always alone. I alone am in these walls of my own that raise too high for me to reach. I want to take a jack hammer to the walls. How much longer God? ive served my time. paid the debts for the words that i have said. for the hearts i have broken. Maybe im not placed there by god, but to punish myself. some days its still hard. No matter what, god is with me.

my inner essence is: Depth, sun, love, warmth, enfolding, energy, spontineity, shadows, uncertainty, discovery, ocean, white, beautiful, un-guarded, hopeful, compassionate, night.

i can change your life-with gods help. i am a child of goodness. i am full. i am art. i am not ashamed that i am open, and not afraid to let myself free. i am not afraid to let myself. i am not afraid. i will never waste my time being afraid.

my blog has gotten intense. i just needed to openly recognize this. Ok.
from the london book: The london book is my journal from london. It represents my life's rebirth coming out of its pages.

yesterday i tried to see how long i could go with no shoes on. not because i dont like shoes, but because i care what no one thinks except for me and god. my life is my own now. not owned by people who think they know better than my own soul what is best for me. i walked from my home in the connection all the way to campus. then i saw people i knew...YES. Please ask me where my shoes are. No one does. i see MustLoveTravel. she has taught me so much-her natural goodness lifts me. she taught me how to give other people the control, and that just loving ever single second of life is the way to live it. and that i dont need travel to feel inspired. i can find it within myself. next, i go to the HFAC. the world of driven artists in the sea that swallows you into its storm. i am walking. the feel the weight of it, but it is exterior to me. I float in my orb, one step at a time. My feet press t he cold hard stones and i straighten my back and neck, and i am free. I pull the worlds weight from me in the form of 300lb foot wear. This is a big deal.

Then, i see this boy in the wilk next to the jamba juice. "where are your shoes?" FINALLY. take that....no shoes. totally weird and awesomely unexpected. love me for who i am dang it. vulnerable, imperfect, and shoe-less. if you cant-get lost. accept me world. accept what i have to offer you or take nothing from me. I am not an angel. i am a person. a real person.

You're hot then you're cold. You're yes then you're no.
You're in then you're out. You're up then you're down.

You're wrong when its right, black when its white.

We fight, we brake up. Then we kiss and make up.

I do it for love.

Dont act like you know me when you dont. I hate when people do that. Act like they have you all figured out in like 2 seconds....people take years to figure out. even decades. Remember that. Im open....im easy to get to know. It just takes time.

Dont judge me. I also hate it when people do that. I like to be free. I have dropped choice words in my life time. I have covered up who i am. I have lied. I have felt pain. I have battle scars. They are part of me. You can come to appreciate these if you try. it just takes time.

Do not ask me how old i am. Its not really my fave, and i can get over it. But im not telling you because it-doesnt-matter. Whenever i learn a persons age, i automatically start to pass judgements on them based on what they "should be like" because of that age. Yeah i am guilty....so i dont ask anymore. People should know each other and appreciate each other based on their relational value. not based on age. Plus, any people who are open enough can be friends. whether they are 20 and 21, or 19 and 90. Learning from all people is a joy in my life.

Please do: Be friends with me and let me know the real you. Whoever that is....the REAL you. not the you that you think you should be because you are morm and perfect and live on the sunny side of the street in provo. Not the you that your mom thinks you are, or the you that you are on first dates. Im over that. Lets see whats up. And ill do the same for you. :)

Today: i feel her trying to stab her way out from the dank and dismal prison of her holding.The MONSTER. She was placed there, long ago. She is weak from want of power, but still exists. Days like this, she gains stregnth in her sagging muscles as she is one with ice. Her cold fingers pry at the steel bars, pulling them apart one-at-a-time. its almost too late as i notice the steely needle in my arm with resistance. I write about her as i lie, letting her give way to her ransoms and demands. She is angry, and hateful. At the fakeness of parts of our existence that we still do not know. She is gleeful that he is gone. I hope that this treaty will give her substance to subside. but today she is hungry, with bloodshot eyes that pierce me. My body tenses on the walk home through the soft pat of the rain. All of my strength is centered around that cell, pushing her down by her matted hair, with a horrifically twisted smile on her face. In the rain i am helpless and alone, yet i will not let her overcome. She is too late for the man that fooled us....she knows this. She will not come for the boy that knows i and not her. No one can EVER know her. I am on a lush green field as i feel her finger nails scraping my esophagus, burning me from the inside up. I cannot even feel the natural love in my heart; it is mangled by the brimstone searing up through my mouth. It brings water to my eyes and i squint to see. I try to focus on the flying discus and him; but all i can hear are screams and feel the beginnings of combustion beneath my skin. She is rage. She is fire. She is NOT ME. With my teeth gritted and sweat on my brow, i shove her down from whence she came. I wrap invisable duct tape to her rancid face and hands, and clear my head in a means of emptyness. I let myself try to feel the truth...my love and devotion for you. Yet you are indifferent towards me. Her new emotions rear up within me, fighting towards the surface. FEAR and FLIGHT. This is not me, not my natural self. I pick at the grass trying to regain my center. I will not fear H.E.R. i will not fear him. i will not fear.

she and i

9/6/08...(from the London book)

I feel close to my soul. Who is my soul? What does she love? When does she feel whole? sometimes i pull inside of myself and listen to her.....that hasnt happened much before. I am getting to know her-feel her presence and her needs. Before she would whisper in my ear as if we were sharing secrets shed hoped i would keep safe. Sometimes i honored those secrets....sometimes i have tossed them to the wind. Soul....dont be mad at me. Love me....forgive me. Now she speaks to me, sometimes in the mirror. Looking back at me in the smooth glass with piercing green eyes....we look into each other. And she is not afraid to command me...she speaks with confidence, and assurance. "Emily....i am in you." She no longer whispers. Because she is heard. And the world is seeing her finally....fully. She is invalueable...should they see her? I worry because she is so precious to me....my best friend. I shield her from the swirling black hate that i imagine as her distruction. But soul is not breakable. She is firey and strong; resiliant. I can feel her pushing me forward with faith, encouraging me. She moves my feet when i am faint; makes me smile when i am sad. My brain often hears noise...it gets distracted. Too many things to think about...all the time. So my soul listens, so we will know which way to go. She still loves me, even when i am distant. Thank you soul-do not leave me. I feel drawn to things and people by my inner core...as if i am internally wired to be with them. Why do i need person A or B in my life so badly? And then i know, that soul is pulling me towards our fulfillment, learning, love, truth, and grace. Even in moments of doubt, she directs me to the people who will align with us and understand us. My soul is i, and i am my soul. Apart, we are nothing. i am not alone.

homeless

Currently: Homeless with lyndsi shea and brooklyn, my new best friends. We live in the connection which has a door to sneak out so your non existing parents wont know, and a bomb shelter complete with bathroom and shower. Boys come over from all around to eat our oreos and sit in the mermaid chair, while we wrastle in the front lawn and journ into the wee hours of the night. I am pretty busy being jobless and school-less so if you want to hang out you better call in advance....im very serious about that. Tomorrow i will probably start selling my body twice a week so i can buy spoon me and go to color me mine. Jen bee gave me a sweet idea....i have alot of smokin mechanical pencils in my car. Maybe i can sell them and buy some banannas. This is my life....i am almost jealous of myself because it rocks so much. :)

my fudge pop

2 days ago i opened a fudge pop right as i was about to take a shower, only to realize I had already turned the water on and was too lazy to turn it off. And i didnt want the hot water to run out. So i shoved it under the faucet and watched it liquidate and turn to nothing. I was afraid that your heart is the same way. I wish for its icy exterior to melt away, but fear that nothing will be left but the brown and rotting wood. Now i know because i have melted you. Your icyness has subsided and i can hold your heart in my hand. and i am ready.

Today:

1. Today i begin a new life

2. i will greet this day with love in my heart

3. i will persist until i succeed

4. i am nature's greatest miracle

5. I will live this day as if it were my last
6. Today i will be a master of my emotions

7. I will laugh at the world

8. Today i will multiply my value 10 fold

9. I will act now

10. Today: i will pray.