2013

I'm going to admit something to you. I seriously hate looking at this blog. it needs a makeover so bad! But i've been too lazy (and too sick the past 3 days) to do anything about it. So maybe tomorrow i'll fix it.....don't hold your breath though. There's so many things on my list of TODOs, and only like a few days left of my winter break. crap.

Before I post my goals for 2014, which are many, I want to tell you some things that i've learned in 2013. It's been an interesting year to say the least. One of many lessons learned, laughs, tears, and some dissapointments and huge life goals achieved. I moved to California for one, which was a HUGE step forward for me. I finished my first year of real work experience, and moved on to a REAL job doing my craft in the place that I love. I bought my dream car, a 2013 Jeep patriot. I spent alot of time with a few people that are dear to me, and made alot of new friends. So I'd say i should be proud of myself. Well done Emily. Even though this year wasn't perfect, it was far from a flop.

I've learned:

You become the things you think about. 

To let go of people that aren't meant for me. 

Even if everyone tells you that you are crazy for trying to live your dreams, they are usually wrong. You won't know till you try. 

I will make myself happy first. Then i'll do what i'm able for others. 

I am worthy of being loved. 

I am beautiful and am just as good as the best of them. 

Hate and fear are not productive. Love is. 

You will bring your fears into existance by focusing on them. 

Change is good nor bad. It just is. 

It is a worth while cause to follow my bliss. 

Not all spirituality comes from a religious book. 

It's not all about money. 

Don't give more than you've got to lose. 

Nothing hits me like a day at the ocean. 

To fight for my needs and wants. My feelings ARE important. 

To have the courage to walk away when I feel i'm being undervalued. 

To love people unconditionally and freely as much as I am able.

To not push myself into things i'm not ready for. 

To be true to myself and not apologize for who I am. 

Less talking and less words are sometimes better. 


And there it is. So many lessons i have taken away from this year. It has been a good one and a hard one. And lets just say, 2014 you better deliver. I'm expecting the best year yet.

The Monkey Mind

I feel strange posting on this blog. It feels sort of like an out of body experience. Like this blog doens't really belong to me. I look at it and I see so many old pieces of me here. No new pieces of me. Those are still being found.

I'm here because I am on a new journey. I am here seeking refuge and insight about myself. Chances are that no one even reads this blog anymore. Even if they are, i'm not writing for them. I am writing for me. I'm here to find myself.

For I am lost in a state of monkey mind. I'ver recently learned to mediate. I'm not great at it but I am doing it. Mediation happens when you let everything go blank. You let your muscles droop and lose life. You let your body hang lose and relax. You breathe deeply in and out, in and out calmly. You soften and clear your mind. To relax your muscles you tighten each muscle group at a time, then release from your head to your toes. And after you are completely relaxed you let your mind settle and clear. It is in this state that you enter the monkey mind.

In the state of the monkey mind a series of memories and images will flash across your mind. Each one is different and unique. It is in the state of the monkey mind that you can begin to reach what is really hidden within one's own mind. With each memory that flashes you neither judge it nor reject it, but notice and acknowledge it before it moves along.

In the monkey mind I will find myself. In this hypnotic state I find hidden crevices inside myself and I search for the blockage that resides within me.  I am on a journey to find my tribe and my people.

Kelly Knows

I don't wanna be left behind
Distance was a friend of mine
Catching breath in a web of lies
I've spent most of my life
Riding waves, playing acrobat
Shadowboxing the other half
Learning how to react
I've spent most of my time

Catching my breath, letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the show
Now that you know, this is my life, I won't be told what's supposed to be right

Payphone - Maroon 5 (Jayesslee Cover)

Ya know, I wouldn't call this the best, but it sure did calm my little heart tonight. :) My lonely little indie heart.

Trick or treat!!

In one hour it will be October 31st people. That means only one thing.....

HALLOWEEN.

It's happening tomorrow! This is notably my favorite day of the entire year. It is literally the only day of the year where you get to dress up, stuff your face with candy, go to dance parties, get scared, and hang out with all of your friends. Not to mention that I have an obsession with mysteries, scifi, and all things supernatural. :D WHAT MORE COULD A GIRL ASK FOR! So if you think halloween is only for kids, you are a lamo.

This is a running list of all the things i've already done to celebrate this year.

1. little red riding hood costume. This year is a first and i'm lovin it.
2. corn maze
3. Saw a somewhat scary movie (House at the end of the street was pretty good....but not the scariest you could see.
4. Carved a pumpkin. I named him voldie cause his nose is 2 slits. See FBeezy for pics!
5. Haunted houseeeee!
6. Haunted ranch with the peeps and Ghostbusters :)
7. Church Carnival
8. Decorated the door for the trick or treaters!
9. Themed halloween party next weekend at my friends house. Can't wait!
10. I've eaten all of the items made of pumpkin that I can possibly think of this week in anticipation.


Halloween Bucket list:
1. Rad rockin halloween costume dance party
2. Throw a themed party one day when I'm a real established respectible adult
3. Make the front entrance of our house into a haunted house and scare kids for candy
4. Go to the graveyard at midnight.
5. Dallas Oak Lawn Halloween bash.

Needless to say i'll be living it up tomorrow handing out candy at my house. Trick or Treat!!