ghosts and patchwork

SO TELL ME......

if you died, and you could immediately go to the after life, or stay and haunt people, what would you do?? and yes i am judging you by your answer lol.

I would haunt EVERYONE if i died cause MAN i want to know people im alive! so if i die, im comin to see YOU and YOU and YOU and ill be writin 'emily wuz here' in the steam in your bathroom mirror. just get ready for it. And if you could haunt people think of all the people that you ever had the slightest itch to get even with (COUGH COUGH NUSKIN)...think of their faces when its you flickering their fireplace on and off, or slamming all the doors mysteriously at night.OH MAN! or even the people that you know peeing their pants with when you show up hiding in the closet. so entertaining :) im snickerin to myself right now just thinking about it. hehehe

But i think we all need to be remembered. Cause we all want to be loved. I dont care if you admit it or not. You want it.


so lately my sister and I, when we want to have bonding time, we go to jillaynes house. My sister is a sophomore that lives at liberty square with all of the 'just off the mish' boys and sophomore girls. and whenever i tell boys that i have a sister, the response is always
just barely post adolescent boy: 'so wheres your sister live?"
me: liberty
j.b.p.a.b.: I live there too!
me: yeah stay away from my sister. she has bad breath ok. and there's no cure for that.
boy: weird looks.

Ne who jillayne is Dylan's mom, who is my sister's missionary boyfriend. And she is a MAStER quilter. i mean these quilts are pieces of art like you have never seen! not your average triangle patch work quilts here. these have swirling lines of fabric and buttons sewn on top and just QUILT EXPLOSION i call it. yeah im cool. we go there and quilt for like hours. and she makes us amazing spaghetti and homemade rolls and its just so nice to be in a HOME> with a mom. and its not even mine. and it feels so right. The other night over dinner on a saturday night the three of us talked about our childhoods, and our parents, dating, love, forgiveness, our spirituality, our imperfections and how they are just dang comical because none of us are perfect and we are totally content with admitting that......it was one of those conversations that just keeps evolving into itself kind of like the quilts that jillayne makes. It all fits together so naturally and beautifully. We were laughing and tearing up and bustin open. and suddenly i realized that i hadn't had one of those kind of conversations in a LONG.TIME. how did that happen? and sometimes i check my heart and it feels like its goin numb....past feeling. and i go a whole week without feeling moved by ANYTHING. thats not me. ANd this last week i finally went nuts and just cleaned out the closet and stuff had to go. people had to go. I got fired because god kept tellin me to quit and i wouldn't do it myself. Thank God for watchin out for a girl thats blowin free wherever life takes her. SO here we go:

I am strong as hell. stronger than darkness. bring the heat.
i am beautiful
my heart is full. and it is compassionate.
I am deep and full of contributions to this world
I do not need another person to complete me. unless that person is God
I am proud. And i wont back down from how i feel, who I am
I am honest. and genuine.

alot of changes are happinin and im just refinding who the real me is. Something big is being set up in my life. And im rediscovering who is important to me, what i love and not what PEOPLE tell me i love, what makes me feel alive. And i stole back my heart, my compassion, my love. Im not letting anything take that away. especially a job, or a man, or satan. NOTHING. I am more than acceptable. I am extraordinary. And so are you.