Today is Monday, and it is 2:43pm in the afternoon. In 48hrs i will be on the road to discovery, to love, to life #1. I cannot deny that i am sad and overwhelmed. But i am also ready. Awhile ago i started to feel the natural pull of gravity pulling me back towards my fate: the lone star state and my realization that my life will never be the same. I realized that the pull had begun, and that when it was time for me to go, i would just know. That time came about a week ago. The earth's axis is pulling me, pulling me, pulling me away from here. The home in which i have both loved and loathed through grounding my roots, which crack the surface fighting all of the other roots and rocks that litter the soil. And once those roots passed the hazardous terrain, they plunged downward gripping the earths core, thus allowing my love to push upward to my surface and explode from my limbs. My love, that is rooted so deeply for this place still exists, but is severed from myself. Away i go, but not forever. I still worry, what will become of me? Of the life that i have built for myself? It hasn't been easy...i have fought for this life and these friends and this disposition. Some days my life just feels so hard, even though it is so blessed. I fight against my anger. I fight against my seemingly endless loneliness. I fight against being forgotten. I try to forget about myself and get lost in what is my life: i cannot change it. Nor do i want to. I look around and pieces of me are everywhere....i cannot collect them. Pieces that i have willingly given to people, and never gotten back. Pieces that i have left to remember my past and my self discovery are left on benches and trees and swimming pools....they help me remember the person that i was. The woman that was hard and cold, and empty. I'm becoming the woman predicted: gentle and loving, strong in my testimony. My heart can still be whole; giving pieces of it away has not left it injured. It has regrown and replaced each piece, growing stronger. Funny how that happens.

I was afraid for the pieces of me that I'm leaving behind, but the biggest part not connected to my body is coming with me. She will remain a part of me, in the seat that has usually been empty, for 2 2hours of dashboard confessional, mountains, and open roads of self discovery. The chunk of my soul protected by the body with matching colored hair and all of the kindness that any of us knew existed. That stays up with me late into the night and holds me why i cry. The woman that shares with me her bunk bed, her food, her life, her love, her soul. When shes gone I'm not sure who will hold me while i mourn her. I hope that i still know who i am without her...im afriad i might be a little confused for a while. This woman has been there for the majority of the last 2 months of my life. But then i know that i will be ok, and i am just thankful. Thank you God for this gift of womanly love when i needed her most. You knew that we belong together. And even though it seems unfair that we have to face the distance soon, i realize that life is glorious because we are in our 20s and not our 50s. Life is ahead of us and i know it will bring us together; not rip us apart. I often forget myself because i am so fulfilled with this woman, my best friend. And i remember that her piece of soul will lie within me, protected, until we meet again. I love you Lyndsi Shea Brown. I have never had as good a friend as you.