work in progress: thanks for your patience

this blog is famous for its music, and right now i want you to scroll down and click the first song on the list by shakira, and listen to it while you read. This weekend consisted of lots of dance little dance parties in the car and jams on the radio.....and when this song came on, i felt like it was my song! but i didnt know the lyrics, or the tune. I just knew it was ME......which is huge because right now im peicing my self back together it seems like. The hip free go with the wind even if its crazy me and the calm constant but bold return missionary me need to collide in some way. But im not sure how to do that yet, im not sure what the result will be. And ive kind of hid myself from trying to find out....up until now. Because lately i had no choice.....i just had to face my old life and go through all the motions of awkwardly trying to be cool and failing miserably because all i can think to talk about is my mission lol. i think thats probably pretty normal! And while everyone is rocking out in bold dramatic led zeplin moves in the car, im just doin a little side to side shimmy, cause that feels cool ya know. And im playin it safe thus far, keeping my missionary collectivity and still keepin it real. But im sure how long thats going to last.....before i just need to bust a MOVE. So here you have it.....Waka waka by shakira. It talks about africa, and even though im not sure whats happening in my life right now or when im going to explode out and dance crazy or give my heart to a boy or sneak out and just go nuts, I KNOW that i will go to africa. This song is like calling me there! And there i will DANCE. with the little birdies and the monkeys and the shirtless foodless little african children. because i feel at one with the impoverished countries of the earth. and in the meantime ill just dance to this song and make my plans for when ill run away there. Thats at least one constant in my life.

Hey....its me. Emily. Im back, and im writing my first post-post sister Masterson. And its kinda scary....i dont know who i am. I dont know what to write on this blog. Ive been to china and back....literally. Part of my heart is still there, so in a couple hours i might get my shovel and start diggin my way back. Down down down, into the core of the earth. Where ive buried my heart. and i have to dig it back out. Dust it off...clean it up, make it beautiful. I watch it pump, beat, morph into something else. Its me....yeah its me. My heart....its three sizes too big for my chest. And its having a love affair....with china. It needs to fall in love again....in love with being emily. living life. breathing and loving and runnin with the wind. in here....im ready....i think?

Wanna know my first gretting back to normal life? LADY GAGA in my face...in all her drugged up cracked out disco glory. Ever seen her performance at the VMA's? Cause thats what my sister showed me on my second day back. Nasty mc nast.....IN YO FACE. and then i was showed the "bad romance" video to boot. And i was so freaked out....and....then....i....couldnt.....stop WATCHING. And i watched another....and another.....and another! Her powers over came me!!! I wasnt strong enough to resist. and i was seen at my computer for at least 30 min with my eyes glazed over absorbing this media nast. And then i snapped out of it and slammed off the computer as soon as possible and ran away for dear life and hid under my the red blanket on my bed with my stuffed animal that my chinese companion gave me in china with my thumb in my mouth. But then....SHE WAS STILL IN MY MIND. playing over and OVER and OVER... "i want a bad romance", "alejandro, alejandro, alejandroooooo" AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! pray for me. lol